Strategies for a bad body image day

Five tactics that help me get out of the mirror and back into my body with confidence

This issue is sponsored by The New Whole30, which comes out TOMORROW, August 6th!!! If you haven’t yet, order your hardcover, e-book, or audiobook copy of The New Whole30 now, giving yourself plenty of time to prep for the September Whole30.

A few months ago, K. sent me a message on Instagram. It was short and sweet: “How do I get out of a bad body image day, when my head is full of negative self-talk?”

First, I truly believe this is a universal experience for any gender, but it is especially pervasive for women. One day (minute?) you look in the mirror and think, “I look good!” The next, your brain switches into hyper-critical mode, fixating on your perceived flaws and detouring into judgmental, shaming, negative self-talk.

Been there. In fact, I still go there occasionally—like last week, when I was trying on outfits for book tour and realized some of my dresses no longer fit. I mean, find me someone who isn’t actively resisting this from time to time.

This stems from a few powerful and pervasive influences. First, diet culture, which tells us that our value and worth are tied to our size and weight. (Size bias, related to diet culture, also plays into this.) The patriarchy, which compels us to see and judge ourselves only through the male gaze, leaving us striving to attain completely made-up and mostly unattainable beauty standards. And social media, which makes it easy to compare ourselves (and come up short) to everyone from fitness influencers to super-moms, with their perfectly posed, Face-tuned, filtered photos.

Feeling in conflict with your body sucks. So does feeling like you’re at the mercy of whatever influence comes your way, with little to no control over how it makes you feel. Here are some things I do in my own life to combat all of this.

Ditch the scale

If you’ve heard one thing from me consistently since 2010, it’s this: Get rid of your scale. It’s holding your self-esteem and mental health hostage, it’s not a good measure of health, and it’s very hard to have a healthy relationship with it. If you’re nervous about ditching it altogether, try giving it up for 30 days and see how much capacity you regain. I am so much happier when I just don’t weigh myself.

Get out of the mirror

The temptation on bad body image days is to force yourself to look in the mirror, examining and critiquing every inch. On these days, I do exactly the opposite. I have mirror-free days regularly, where I make sure my teeth are brushed and my contacts are in, and then I won’t look again. This gives me a well-deserved break from being preoccupied with how I look, and allows me to drop back into my body to see how I feel.

This includes social media, by the way. If there’s a day on IG stories where you see Henry, my gym session, post shares from other folks—anything other than me talking directly to the camera—it’s likely because I’m having a deliberate “no mirror” day. It feels good, trust.

I also regularly practice sharing on social media exactly as I am—I don’t put on makeup, take my hair out of my bathrobe twists, or change out of my pajamas or gym clothes just to shoot a video. If I want to say something, I just point, shoot, and post. The more I show up authentically, the less I feel like I have something to hide, “fix,” or be ashamed about.

Consume wisely

If you haven’t had an Unfollow Friday in a while, may I suggest this is the week? (Also, you don’t have to wait until Friday.) If you’re following fitness, fashion, makeup, or style influencers that only make you feel worse about yourself, recognize you have the power to set a self-boundary here, for your own mental health. Smash that unfollow button.

Then, fill your feed with people who are relatable. Follow those who add value to your feed and life. Vote with your attention for those who give you the right kind of permission, invite you to think about the influences holding you captive, and examine your own thoughts around your worth, value, and body. (The same goes for TV, magazines, and other forms of media. If you find yourself trying to keep up with the Kardashians, maybe they need a time-out.)

Work on your relationship with food

Diet culture and negative body-talk go hand-in-hand. It’s no coincidence that you have more of those “mean brain” days after you’ve enjoyed bread, pizza, fries, or ice cream in your Food Freedom. So find a program, philosophy, and/or educator who can help you uncouple the food you eat with your worth or value, and find an approach to eating that feels joyful and sustainable for you.

Millions of people over the last 15 years have found that kind of success in the Whole30. In fact, my Whole30 in 2009 was the first time in my whole life that I was successfully able to get off the scale and stay out of the mirror for a sustained period of time. (It changed everything.) However, the Whole30 is not your only option. Intuitive Eating, the Health at Any Size philosophy, or an anti-diet RD can also offer a program and community, especially if you’re coming from a history of disordered eating. (The Whole30 is contra-indicated in that context, as the rules can be triggering.)

Do the same with fitness, fashion, and everything else

It’s crucial to eliminate messages that focus on your body as a “problem.” If you follow fitness professionals who are constantly tying exercise to your body (“the workout I do after big cheat days”), offering workouts to troubleshoot your “problem areas,” or otherwise uphold that diet culture mentality through their fitness offerings… find new trainers, athletes, and yoga teachers to follow and model.

That could also go for fashion influencers showing you how to “disguise” your hips or “snatch” your waist, photographers who show you how to pose to appear more slender, or makeup influencers who are always trying to convince you to buy or do more to look younger.  

If following someone with your body shape doing realistic try-ons (or someone with your skin texture doing everyday makeup) makes you feel better about your skin or body—keep them. If they make you feel like what you have isn’t good enough and you need to hide/conceal/fool people into being accepted, say byeeeeee.

See you on book tour!

As for me, I donated the book tour dresses that no longer fit—without a second thought. I found outfits I feel confident in, and am comfortable in. (I think the days of super-tight body-con dresses are over for me, RIP.) And I’m going to remind myself that the only “bad” photo is a photo where we’re not in focus—because even if the lighting is terrible, I’m making a weird face, or my left eye gets squinty, the joy and connection that photo represents is worth everything.

What are your favorite strategies for navigating a bad body-confidence day? Share them in comments—and thank you for inspiring others.

XO, MU