I have gone back to a Nokia 105 basic non internet phone Monday through Friday I'm 9 days in to a one month experiment and its been good but strange - people can still send me a text message but that's it - what's app photos and fb updates and emails wait till the next time I get to a PC or the weekend when im back on my smart phone. At the moment its a little unsettling - like there is something missing, I feel like when I quit smoking 20 years ago and missed the feel of a cigarette in my hand for months. its good though, at the moment I cant see me going back but time will tell :-)
Remember when not being reachable was just normal, not a boundary? The $5 calls made me laugh, and then the line after them stopped me. Attention is everything. Attention is how we stay present, focus, concentrate, and create. Today’s technologies are made to grab it, and we have let go of our attention to them. That is how we become enslaved. Did the hiking start as a boundary, or did it only become one once you noticed what it gave back?
YES! I love my son, and I will pick up whenever I can, but all of these notifications and bells and calls are 100% energy leakage—and it adds up! I always knew hiking was the place where I could turn my head off, where the chatter in my brain went away. But now I really appreciate it for what it is: that unbreakable physical boundary, where I am simply not reachable for a decent amount of time. That offers me so much value, on top of moving my body, being outside, and having those views. It’s part of the reason why I don’t hike with headphones, or hike with others—and why I hit the trail early so I have plenty of space to myself. I have all of this input all of the time, and to have the silence of nature is so necessary for my mental health.
No headphones is the detail I’ll keep. The trail only gives the silence back if nothing is brought along to fill it. Thank you for answering so fully, Melissa.
I think this is one of the challenges that didn't exist 25 years ago for me. You had 3 options, phone, mail, or in person. You called the landline and didn't expect to hear back for possibly until the weekend. Now its text, email, call, teams, etc.. Ive turned off all my notifications and have narrowed it down to a select few options that you can reach me. I firmly believe we were not designed to exist in this always on environment.
Gen X here, and I couldn’t agree more. We had these deliberate physical breaks from being reachable, and it was such a delight, and now we have to enforce this for our ourselves.
I have a dedicated work phone that’s only on during work hours and then I don’t look at it again until the next work day. Best decision EVER!
No phone at night
No phone during meals
I laugh to think I use to pay for a song to be my ringtone as that was probably the last time my phone was able to make any notification sounds.
I feel like I have pretty good boundaries and yet sometimes I still think about more. Like removing my phone notifications from my watch. How was that ever a good idea?
LOVE the idea of a work phone you can just turn off or put away! So smart. 👏👏 when I first got my Garmin watch, I had all kinds of notifications coming through, and then I realized I could just not. And now I have none. 💯
I love this! Thank you for sharing! I also have a 13 year old son who knows no boundaries, haha. But I do put my phone in a tote at the ballpark while he’s playing or practicing and during innings, read a book instead of teaching for my phone. I also send my Dad and best friend DM’s as we are in different time zones and keep different hours, so this is helpful! I found it “silly” at first, but it really has made me less anxious about a response as I don’t have social media notifications on.
I love the idea of proactively communicating in a way that is both effective and considerate. If someone on my team is on vacation or taking a day off and I want to share something with them that is not work-related, I would never text it or send it in Slack, I would just send them a DM. That channel tends to be a mixed bag of work and personal things, and I don’t want to freak anyone out on a day off. 👏
I still use my phone way too much but I have these settings:
NO notifications except text messages.
NO voicemail, it's just another thing to stress me out
NO sound. Entire phone on silent. A decade of this and people know not to expect an immediate connection.
No-phone-zones: anywhere we eat, sleep or are spending time together and certain rooms (art, tv room, deck, bedroom)
Obviously I am not as in demand as you are and no dependants...but I still dont like to be dictated. I'm also one of those who thinks phone calls without prior arrangements are rude, so.....
I have gone back to a Nokia 105 basic non internet phone Monday through Friday I'm 9 days in to a one month experiment and its been good but strange - people can still send me a text message but that's it - what's app photos and fb updates and emails wait till the next time I get to a PC or the weekend when im back on my smart phone. At the moment its a little unsettling - like there is something missing, I feel like when I quit smoking 20 years ago and missed the feel of a cigarette in my hand for months. its good though, at the moment I cant see me going back but time will tell :-)
Melissa, you just gave me the best advice/suggestion all year: add “No response necessary” to the end of appropriate emails. Golden! Thank you!
Remember when not being reachable was just normal, not a boundary? The $5 calls made me laugh, and then the line after them stopped me. Attention is everything. Attention is how we stay present, focus, concentrate, and create. Today’s technologies are made to grab it, and we have let go of our attention to them. That is how we become enslaved. Did the hiking start as a boundary, or did it only become one once you noticed what it gave back?
YES! I love my son, and I will pick up whenever I can, but all of these notifications and bells and calls are 100% energy leakage—and it adds up! I always knew hiking was the place where I could turn my head off, where the chatter in my brain went away. But now I really appreciate it for what it is: that unbreakable physical boundary, where I am simply not reachable for a decent amount of time. That offers me so much value, on top of moving my body, being outside, and having those views. It’s part of the reason why I don’t hike with headphones, or hike with others—and why I hit the trail early so I have plenty of space to myself. I have all of this input all of the time, and to have the silence of nature is so necessary for my mental health.
No headphones is the detail I’ll keep. The trail only gives the silence back if nothing is brought along to fill it. Thank you for answering so fully, Melissa.
I think this is one of the challenges that didn't exist 25 years ago for me. You had 3 options, phone, mail, or in person. You called the landline and didn't expect to hear back for possibly until the weekend. Now its text, email, call, teams, etc.. Ive turned off all my notifications and have narrowed it down to a select few options that you can reach me. I firmly believe we were not designed to exist in this always on environment.
Gen X here, and I couldn’t agree more. We had these deliberate physical breaks from being reachable, and it was such a delight, and now we have to enforce this for our ourselves.
I have a dedicated work phone that’s only on during work hours and then I don’t look at it again until the next work day. Best decision EVER!
No phone at night
No phone during meals
I laugh to think I use to pay for a song to be my ringtone as that was probably the last time my phone was able to make any notification sounds.
I feel like I have pretty good boundaries and yet sometimes I still think about more. Like removing my phone notifications from my watch. How was that ever a good idea?
LOVE the idea of a work phone you can just turn off or put away! So smart. 👏👏 when I first got my Garmin watch, I had all kinds of notifications coming through, and then I realized I could just not. And now I have none. 💯
I love this! Thank you for sharing! I also have a 13 year old son who knows no boundaries, haha. But I do put my phone in a tote at the ballpark while he’s playing or practicing and during innings, read a book instead of teaching for my phone. I also send my Dad and best friend DM’s as we are in different time zones and keep different hours, so this is helpful! I found it “silly” at first, but it really has made me less anxious about a response as I don’t have social media notifications on.
I love the idea of proactively communicating in a way that is both effective and considerate. If someone on my team is on vacation or taking a day off and I want to share something with them that is not work-related, I would never text it or send it in Slack, I would just send them a DM. That channel tends to be a mixed bag of work and personal things, and I don’t want to freak anyone out on a day off. 👏
I still use my phone way too much but I have these settings:
NO notifications except text messages.
NO voicemail, it's just another thing to stress me out
NO sound. Entire phone on silent. A decade of this and people know not to expect an immediate connection.
No-phone-zones: anywhere we eat, sleep or are spending time together and certain rooms (art, tv room, deck, bedroom)
Obviously I am not as in demand as you are and no dependants...but I still dont like to be dictated. I'm also one of those who thinks phone calls without prior arrangements are rude, so.....
I love these rules. No phone zones for eating and sleeping are a MUST for me. Same when I go out to eat by myself; no phone, only book. It's glorious.