XOMU: The problem pile

A surefire way to get out of the comparison trap and back yourself into gratitude

A few years ago, I had this friend—let’s call her Becky. Becky’s life was envy-worthy, and not just in the “I see her highlight reel on social media” kind of way. Becky and I were close, and we shared intimate details of our lives with each other. I knew about her work, her love life, her goals and dreams, and yes, I knew about her problems too. She and her husband struggled with fertility, occasionally had to worry about their finances, had the same dumb fight over and over, and went through one big health crisis in their family while we were friends.

I admired her, and more than occasionally thought, “I wish my life were more like Becky’s.” I was recently divorced, in the middle of restructuring my business, was worried about money, and felt guilty about what all of this meant for my young son.

Then one day, Becky called me in tears. She had discovered flirtatious texts in her husband’s phone, spanning the course of the last few weeks. When she confronted him, he tried his best to downplay it, but eventually was forced to confess. Immediately her world came crashing down—and so did my idealized view of Becky’s life.