5 unconventional things we do in my family

They work for us, and YCDIAWYW (You Can Do It Any Way You Want)

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In another newsletter (or maybe it was a podcast?) I mentioned that we play a board or card game with our son every morning at breakfast. We’ve been doing that since he was a toddler, upping the complexity of the games as he gets older. It’s become a beloved tradition, and we’ve accumulated many games that are 2-player and go quickly. So many people loved the idea that it got me thinking—what are some other ways we operate in a “non-traditional” way, and could sharing this empower people to truly do it any way they want? Let’s find out.

1. We eat breakfast, not dinner, together

We don’t often have family dinners. I believe in them, but the timing doesn’t work for our house given my son’s after-school activities and my husband’s jiu-jitsu schedule. Also, I like to eat early, so I get a better night’s sleep. We usually eat dinner on our own, but make shared breakfast our family meal. We play a game every morning with our son, standing around the kitchen island. Sometimes it’s just the parent who is driving him to school, sometimes we all join in. It’s been a tradition for many years, and we love starting our day with this moment of bonding.

2. My husband and I don’t share a bank account

Brandon and I first got together in 2017. Our lives, careers, and finances were already well established, and we knew I made more money because we talked very openly about it. We made the easy decision not to share a bank account or credit card early on. He has his money, and doesn’t have to explain how much his fifth camera cost. I have my money, and don’t have to explain how much I shelled out for Botox. We consider it all our money, but we also don’t pay for things 50/50 because our income isn’t equal. Our system works for us.

3. We Venmo each other

Speaking of money, I’ve seen plenty of people on Instagram saying, “Venmo-ing your husband is not normal—what’s wrong with your relationship?” Bullshit. Venmo’ing each other is both fun and practical. He’ll Venmo me $100 when I’m on a vacation saying, “Take yourself out for sushi.” I’ll Venmo him $500 when he pays a vet bill that I’d normally pay. Recently, I put in a lululemon order using my ambassador discount; he Venmo’d me $165 to cover his shorts and tees. This has no bearing on the health of our relationship, and IDGAF what you think about it.

4. One of us sleeps in the guest room

We will happily sleep apart to get a better night’s sleep. If one of us is sick, the other one is in the guest room until we’re past the worst of it. If one of us isn’t ready to go to bed, we’ll sleep in the guest room so as not to disturb the other person when we come to bed. If I’m traveling and getting home late, I’ll sleep downstairs so I don’t wake up the dogs. If he’s in a really bad mood, he sleeps downstairs. We’re not going to force ourselves to spend the night together; sleep is way too important for our physical and mental health. Our guest room has Purple pillows for this reason.

5. We take solo trips

My husband and I both love traveling—in particular, road trips. I love hiking, and will head to Jackson, Scottsdale, or Telluride for a few days to do the long, tough hikes that my husband doesn’t want to do. He loves driving for hours to a prime photography spot, then hanging out there shooting. We both need time alone to recharge, reflect, and enjoy our own company—so we take solo trips often. We usually try to plan these around when we have our son, but not always. (A few weekends ago, I was in Vegas for work and wanted to stay and hike for the weekend. My husband said, “Go for it, I’ve got the kid and the dogs.”) It’s not unusual for one of us to take off for a week, even though we’re married, even though we have a kid.

Do you eat meals together as a family, and if not, what works for you? Do you share finances with your spouse, or send your partner money? Do you ever choose to sleep apart even if you’re not in an argument? When was the last time Mom had a few nights alone, whether it’s camping, visiting a friend, or finding a hotel in a fun city? Paid subscribers can discuss in the comments.

XO, MU