7 things I no longer pretend to like

You're supposed to like this stuff. I do not, and it's pretty dang freeing to say it out loud.

When Taylor Swift was touring, everyone asked me, “Are you going to see a show?” I love Taylor Swift. She’s been my most-played artist on Spotify for the last four or five years. In fact, I love music in general. But I never once thought, “I should go see a show,” because I don’t like concerts.

Maybe that makes me not-fun, but I’m past the point of caring. Or maybe it just makes me old? In which case, this is the best part of being old. Here is a list of things I no longer pretend to like or enjoy.

1. Concerts (or any big-crowd event)

I’ve been to plenty of big concerts. Many Dave Matthews shows. Several Lallapaloozas, even, back in the day. Today I do not have the energy. Standing around for hours waiting for all the opening bands to finish. Fighting your way through crowds for hours at a time. People screaming the lyrics in your ear all night. Parking. I don’t care who is coming to town, I will not be doing this. (The same goes for outdoor festivals. Coachella is my worst nightmare. The logistics alone make me want to throw up.)

2. Eating dinner after 6 PM

I know the cool kids eat dinner late. I know it’s very normal to book a table for 7:30 PM. I do not enjoy this. I like to eat no later than 5:30 PM. Actually, 5 PM is even better, if the restaurant opens that early. I want to eat my delicious dinner, then go home and have time to digest before I’m in bed at 9 PM. If that makes me an Old Person so be it; I like early bird dinners.

3. Babies

When I got a dog, I all of a sudden loved all dogs. It turns out it did not work like that with children. I don’t like babies, not even yours. I for sure don’t want to hold your baby. I mean, I will if we’re on a plane and you need help, but I don’t enjoy it. I loved my son when he was a baby, but I like him so much more now that he’s a teen. I almost certainly love your dog, but please don’t show me your baby because we’ll both know I’m faking it. (This goes for toddlers too, I’m sorry.)

4. Italian food

I just came back from three days in Milan, so I can definitively say… I do not like Italian food. I don’t like pizza. I don’t like pasta. (And before you say, “But have you had hand-rolled pasta in Italy?” I have, and I didn’t like it.) I don’t really like bread. I mean, it’s fine, but I can only eat so much. We’ve already established that I don’t like eating late, and “dinner” in Italy was 9 PM. And Italians eat in courses, with the pasta course as a precursor (“primo”) to the main course (“secondo”)… and I don’t eat big dinners. I will enjoy just about any restaurant you suggest except Italian.

5. High heels

I spent my 30s in a pair of 3” stiletto pumps, probably from Nine West. I wore them for my 9-5 “business casual” job, wore them out for drinks and parties—I basically lived in them. They were comfortable back then, and I loved how they tipped me into 6’1” territory. I cannot wear them today. Today I like comfortable shoes. I own many pairs of Birkenstocks, a dozen pairs of walking sneakers, lots of pointed-toe flats, and just a few pairs of kitten heels for special occasions (like media). But my 3” heels have all been donated.

6. YA books (especially romance/smut)

This is a more recent development, but I’m of an age where I no longer want to read stories about high school kids. I especially don’t want to read about 20-year-old young women having sex. (Why are they always 19 or 20?) If the characters are in their late 20’s, I can deal with that. In their 30’s, even better. But I’ve read more than a few fantasy smut books lately where the sex is admittedly hot and the female protaganist is a badass, but her age makes me feel weird and creepy.

7. The beach

Listen, the ocean is fine. I like listening to it. I like walking along the beach for an hour. But a day at the beach? No thank you. What do you even do? Everything gets sandy, swimming in the ocean is weird, and there are always so many people. Plus you have to pack up half your house to enjoy it—blankets, chairs, an umbrella, a cooler, food, drinks… also, parking. Give me a mountain to climb or a lake to hike to, y’all can have the beach.

What did I miss?

I’m sure there are other things I’ve missed, including glute exercises and Love Island. What do you pretend to like, but would like to ditch for good? Sound off in the comments.

XO, MU