I love that you share this, not that it’s any of our business, but it brings perspective. In HS some people thought I was a bitch because I didn’t say hi when passing in the hall. I was just unbearably shy and could not get the hi out unless someone said hi to me first. It’s a good reminder that we have no idea why someone is quiet or private or appears to be a bitch. Thank you for sharing and inspiring. ❤️
I was around in 2013-2014 during the no emojis no hair era. I remember the great trashcan standoff (why this lives rent free in my head, IDK) and you talking about your tattoos and riding your motorcycle. And I remember when you started being real online and how settled your energy became. I feel like you paved the way and gave me a healthy example so I could grow up and into my self and my power just a step or two behind you. ❤️ so, thanks. 😘
I found you (and the Whole30) shortly after I had my daughter in 2014. Honestly I can't imagine any other version of you than the one we know today! But seeing that picture of you in the purple dress I immediately thought OMG that's not Melissa AT ALL. It looks...contrived and uncomfortable which is light years away from who you are now. I stopped following so many influencers but I stick with you (even paying for substack) because you're NEVER afraid to say oh shit that's my bad or yeah we were totally off with the whole "It's not hard thing." You show yourself (and by extension- ME/US) grace and how to constantly extend it to not just ourselves but others. It's incredibly empowering and uplifting. So I thank the lady in the purple dress for shedding the artifice and becoming YOU. <3
I have so many photos from those years, and you can almost SEE the armor slipping year by year. I also remember how it felt to live inside that purple-dress Melissa. She was so f*cking sad all the time, which was a shame because there were so many amazing things happening professionally. I still have zero regrets. XO
I enjoy the many Melissas that live in you. You described a situation that was uniquely yours, but the self-awareness and growth is something that often, and thankfully, comes with age.
I read this with tears in my eyes....I’ve been there, hell I’m still there. I too gave much of myself away in an effort to compromise and make things work. But I’m finding my way back and filling up my cup. I’m unapologetically going to live my life to the fullest.
Welcome back to you. It takes a while, but it takes even longer if you detour into beating yourself up for the things you did when you were doing the best you could. I know this personally. XO
Such a wonderful post. I love to see how you’ve transformed. I have followed since the beginning, and it pains me to think what my original assumptions were of you & your ex - because, ya know, patriarchy. I’m so glad you are here today because you’ve helped so many of us, including myself. You are...a delight 😊
Nobody ever knows anybody's relationship, not unless you're in it, and certainly not based on what you see on social media. I understand. And thank you :)
There are a few people in my life that I always joke I want to be like when I grow-up (I’m 54 and a work in progress): my late grandmother who lived to 101, a specific aunt who has the absolute best style, and Melissa Urban, the most self aware person I know. You are the voice of reason in my head, the inspiration for me to live a better life, the reason I keep trying to complete a Whole30 (because I know it will ultimately be good for me) when I fail yet again. Thank you for being so vulnerable with us and continuing to be your authentic, bad ass self.
This was such a great post Melissa, thanks for sharing. I always think of these small things as being big things because they connect us to each other and it's always seemed to me that you genuinely want to connect to your audience xx
I do! It's the best part of my "job" and I love that I'm not denying myself any aspect of connection now, whether it's over something deep or reality TV.
So relatable. As you know, I just found you recently, so I didn't get to witness your journey to this point, but in hearing about it, I marvel at how similar our journeys have been. Trauma, Addiction, Recovery, Starter Marriage, taking oneself entirely too seriously, lacking confidence, etc. I have a key tattoo on my inner right wrist that has I put there to remind me that I hold the key to the prison I create for myself in my own mind. I hold the key and I can let myself out. Interestingly, one key takeaway (pun not entirely intended) from my first ever Whole 30 (and 30 day yoga journey) is that that I don't _hold_ the key, the key is *ME*. Taking real and true care of myself unlocks my potential. I hear you saying the same thing in this essay. Thanks for sharing.
I have deeply appreciated your modeling over the years - for so many things like ways of showing up in the world, relationships, boundaries, DEI/anti-racist work, etc! - but in this context being so open about your journey normalizes how we can become lose ourselves or become misaligned with who we are and our values, and affirms the work we can do (especially with support!) to find/re-define ourselves again. Thank you for being you! 😊💗🙏🏼
Crying because I feel sad that you were going through this and also because I recognize myself in it. Wish we didn't have to live through the shit to get to the other side, but man is it worth it.
I love that you share this, not that it’s any of our business, but it brings perspective. In HS some people thought I was a bitch because I didn’t say hi when passing in the hall. I was just unbearably shy and could not get the hi out unless someone said hi to me first. It’s a good reminder that we have no idea why someone is quiet or private or appears to be a bitch. Thank you for sharing and inspiring. ❤️
This is so true. We never really know what people are going through ❤️
I was around in 2013-2014 during the no emojis no hair era. I remember the great trashcan standoff (why this lives rent free in my head, IDK) and you talking about your tattoos and riding your motorcycle. And I remember when you started being real online and how settled your energy became. I feel like you paved the way and gave me a healthy example so I could grow up and into my self and my power just a step or two behind you. ❤️ so, thanks. 😘
This is generous and lovely, thank you so much. (The GCSO was a LEGIT soap opera for many weeks.)
The growth we absolutely love to see 🥲 thanks for sharing 💓
I've had this one in draft for months XO
I found you (and the Whole30) shortly after I had my daughter in 2014. Honestly I can't imagine any other version of you than the one we know today! But seeing that picture of you in the purple dress I immediately thought OMG that's not Melissa AT ALL. It looks...contrived and uncomfortable which is light years away from who you are now. I stopped following so many influencers but I stick with you (even paying for substack) because you're NEVER afraid to say oh shit that's my bad or yeah we were totally off with the whole "It's not hard thing." You show yourself (and by extension- ME/US) grace and how to constantly extend it to not just ourselves but others. It's incredibly empowering and uplifting. So I thank the lady in the purple dress for shedding the artifice and becoming YOU. <3
I have so many photos from those years, and you can almost SEE the armor slipping year by year. I also remember how it felt to live inside that purple-dress Melissa. She was so f*cking sad all the time, which was a shame because there were so many amazing things happening professionally. I still have zero regrets. XO
I hate that she was so sad all the time but I am so glad that current Melissa radiates joy.
I enjoy the many Melissas that live in you. You described a situation that was uniquely yours, but the self-awareness and growth is something that often, and thankfully, comes with age.
I read this with tears in my eyes....I’ve been there, hell I’m still there. I too gave much of myself away in an effort to compromise and make things work. But I’m finding my way back and filling up my cup. I’m unapologetically going to live my life to the fullest.
Welcome back to you. It takes a while, but it takes even longer if you detour into beating yourself up for the things you did when you were doing the best you could. I know this personally. XO
I love this! ❤️ you!
Thank you! This brought me to tears...in a good way.
I love this 🙌 the way you honor and respect “Whole30 Melissa” while recognizing it no longer serves you. I’m so happy we have Just Melissa now.
I really am too. XO
Such a wonderful post. I love to see how you’ve transformed. I have followed since the beginning, and it pains me to think what my original assumptions were of you & your ex - because, ya know, patriarchy. I’m so glad you are here today because you’ve helped so many of us, including myself. You are...a delight 😊
Nobody ever knows anybody's relationship, not unless you're in it, and certainly not based on what you see on social media. I understand. And thank you :)
There are a few people in my life that I always joke I want to be like when I grow-up (I’m 54 and a work in progress): my late grandmother who lived to 101, a specific aunt who has the absolute best style, and Melissa Urban, the most self aware person I know. You are the voice of reason in my head, the inspiration for me to live a better life, the reason I keep trying to complete a Whole30 (because I know it will ultimately be good for me) when I fail yet again. Thank you for being so vulnerable with us and continuing to be your authentic, bad ass self.
Well this made me tear up. Thanks, Lora. That truly means a lot, and I'm sure I have a lot to live up to in your gram! XO
This was such a great post Melissa, thanks for sharing. I always think of these small things as being big things because they connect us to each other and it's always seemed to me that you genuinely want to connect to your audience xx
I do! It's the best part of my "job" and I love that I'm not denying myself any aspect of connection now, whether it's over something deep or reality TV.
So relatable. As you know, I just found you recently, so I didn't get to witness your journey to this point, but in hearing about it, I marvel at how similar our journeys have been. Trauma, Addiction, Recovery, Starter Marriage, taking oneself entirely too seriously, lacking confidence, etc. I have a key tattoo on my inner right wrist that has I put there to remind me that I hold the key to the prison I create for myself in my own mind. I hold the key and I can let myself out. Interestingly, one key takeaway (pun not entirely intended) from my first ever Whole 30 (and 30 day yoga journey) is that that I don't _hold_ the key, the key is *ME*. Taking real and true care of myself unlocks my potential. I hear you saying the same thing in this essay. Thanks for sharing.
I have deeply appreciated your modeling over the years - for so many things like ways of showing up in the world, relationships, boundaries, DEI/anti-racist work, etc! - but in this context being so open about your journey normalizes how we can become lose ourselves or become misaligned with who we are and our values, and affirms the work we can do (especially with support!) to find/re-define ourselves again. Thank you for being you! 😊💗🙏🏼
Thanks so much, Lisa! That means a lot ❤️
Extraordinary essay. So insightful, so helpful to others. So authentic and honest. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks so much ❤️❤️
Crying because I feel sad that you were going through this and also because I recognize myself in it. Wish we didn't have to live through the shit to get to the other side, but man is it worth it.
It was sad, and I wouldn’t have it any other way