Is there something on your list right now that you'd call "I don't want to do this" when it's actually "I haven't checked lately whether I'd still choose it"? I used to carry a version of that same confusion before I had your clean split for it. A machine arrived this year that could do most of what I used to call my job. What it cannot do is the part underneath your distinction: choosing what matters to me and taking responsibility for the direction I pursue. It can propose a direction, question mine, and organize the work. I still have to decide whether I want to take that direction. "I don't want to do this" versus "I don't want to choose this" is the same fork my machine forces me to notice now, on most days, whether I like it or not.
This is an insightful observation. We're all at risk for letting Past Me decisions coast into the present and future without checking back in with ourselves. If your machine forces you to do just that, maybe that self-reflection spills over into other areas of your life! (Once you see something, it's hard to un-see it.)
the distinction between "I don't want to do this" and "I don't want to choose this" is such a clean way to reframe obligation without resentment. also loved the boundary versus reframe exercise, having an actual filter for when to say no versus when to just shift your perspective is genuinely useful...
I'm so glad you found it helpful! I've been trying to articulate this for years, with varying degrees of success. I found it just as helpful to write it down, poke it a little, then use that to strengthen the framework.
Is there something on your list right now that you'd call "I don't want to do this" when it's actually "I haven't checked lately whether I'd still choose it"? I used to carry a version of that same confusion before I had your clean split for it. A machine arrived this year that could do most of what I used to call my job. What it cannot do is the part underneath your distinction: choosing what matters to me and taking responsibility for the direction I pursue. It can propose a direction, question mine, and organize the work. I still have to decide whether I want to take that direction. "I don't want to do this" versus "I don't want to choose this" is the same fork my machine forces me to notice now, on most days, whether I like it or not.
This is an insightful observation. We're all at risk for letting Past Me decisions coast into the present and future without checking back in with ourselves. If your machine forces you to do just that, maybe that self-reflection spills over into other areas of your life! (Once you see something, it's hard to un-see it.)
the distinction between "I don't want to do this" and "I don't want to choose this" is such a clean way to reframe obligation without resentment. also loved the boundary versus reframe exercise, having an actual filter for when to say no versus when to just shift your perspective is genuinely useful...
I'm so glad you found it helpful! I've been trying to articulate this for years, with varying degrees of success. I found it just as helpful to write it down, poke it a little, then use that to strengthen the framework.
🥹
This is so good! Thank you for sharing!
Happy to share Sara! XO
I like this, Melissa! I need to look past the boundary to see if I want what’s out in the field, before I lock the gate to going there.
What a fabulous way to put it! I really like this analogy. 👏
OOOOoof this is such a good reframe. My goal this week is to stop and reframe every time I think about something I need/have to do!
Let me know how it goes! XO