I feel too guilty to leave my company

Even if you're not thinking of leaving right now... you need to hear this.

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Hi Melissa, I’m about to quit my job, because I’ve realized working at this company is not healthy for me. However, I’m close with my team—and we’ve all been under so much pressure lately. The only thing holding me back from leaving is the anxiety over the fact that I’m letting them down and making them work even more. Is this a boundary issue? I want to quit with plenty of notice, but guilt is holding me back. —These boots are made for walking

Dear Boots,

It’s admirable that you’re not only thinking of your own well-being, but considering your co-workers too. I’m sure they appreciate your thoughtfulness and “team player” attitude on a daily basis, especially if the workplace environment is stressful or dysfunctional.

But hear me clearly: This is a job, and you are not family. If your co-worker got a job offer with better work-life balance, a rewarding work environment, or a better salary package, they would take it in a heartbeat. So would your Vice President. So would anyone else at that company, because this is a business, and they work a job, and your co-workers don’t owe you anything (and vice-versa).

Of course you care for them. You’re kind to each other, you help each other, and at times, you may offer a personal sacrifice (like staying late) for the greater good. But that doesn’t mean you should keep setting yourself on fire to keep your co-workers warm.

They wouldn’t do that for you. And if they say they would, no they would not. And if they really would, that’s not your problem nor your responsibility. (Frankly, that’s between them and their therapist.)

This word from our sponsor serves as a reminder that you’ve been MEANING to order a box (or replenish your stash) of LMNT, but you keep getting distracted. This happens to me too! I’m fresh out of Grapefruit and nearly out of Citrus, and though I like Orange just fine, if I had a Grapefruit to toss into my water bottle tomorrow morning, my day would be 64% better. LMNT keeps me hydrated, energized, and headache-free, and comes in so many delicious flavors, you’ll never get bored. Plus with each purchase, you’ll score a free 8-pack sampler perfect for travel, your gym bag, or your hiking pack. Take a second and order your LMNT today—then come back for the rest of my advice.

Also, how do you know that your leaving would hurt them? That’s just a story you’re telling yourself. In reality, you have no idea how leaving would impact your team or company.

Maybe you leaving inspires others. Maybe your co-workers have also debated quitting, but they felt guilty or nervous about leaving. Then you leave, and they realize they can do it too! How empowering!

Maybe you leaving is a wake-up call to your higher-ups. Maybe if such a good employee leaves citing an unhealthy environment, too much dysfunction, or a lack of respect for boundaries, they’ll realize they had better change before they lose anyone else. Maybe your departure prompts your company to make changes, and those changes improves the environment for everyone else.

The point is, you don’t know. Your departure could be beneficial! Or neutral! You’re just choosing to tell yourself a story that keeps you feeling anxious and guilty. And you could, like, just not. Repeat after me: “I don’t know what will happen when I leave, but that isn’t under my control, and it’s not my business. I can only control what I choose to do, and how I choose to react.”

Give them at least two weeks’ notice—more if you are able. Spend your last few weeks preparing your team as best as you can. Transfer the knowledge you need to transfer to the right people. But don’t do that because you feel guilty for leaving. Do that because you’re a good employee and teammate, and that’s what a good employee and teammate would do.

Then, say your goodbyes, be as honest in your exit interview as you dare, and sail out the door into your next chapter. You’ve made the decision that is right for you and handled yourself with grace and integrity—and there is nothing to feel guilty about in that.

XO, MU