Make your holidays merry (really)

Five simple shifts to relieve stress, reclaim your time, and find more joy this holiday season

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The holidays bring a lot of pressure—especially for women, especially for moms. Family traditions, hosting or gathering, gift-buying, cooking and baking, decorating, wrapping, scheduling… it’s a LOT.

What if you could just… do less? I bet many of you are thinking, “Ugh, at this point, it’s easier to just go with the flow than try to make changes.” But there’s still plenty of time to make changes, and you deserve a merry holiday season too.

Here are five swaps you could make now to reduce stress, carve out more time, and make your holidays a little more magical.

Rethink “dinner”

Yes, your family always has turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and all the fixings. But if you’re hosting, you make the rules—and you can make your holiday dinner as fun, easy, and collaborative as you like.

• Create a DIY taco bar, with loads of slow-cooked meat, mix-and-match toppings (store-buy your guac and salsa instead of making your own), and easy options for vegetarians or gluten-free eaters.

• Make a tray of lasagna (or two), and serve with crusty garlic bread and a big tossed salad.

• Serve appetizers for grazing instead of one big meal. Invite everyone to bring something, and whip up your favorite party fare, like buffalo wings, stuffed dates, shrimp scampi, or a charcuterie board.

If you get pushback, feel free to say, “This is what I’m making this year. Let me know if you’re coming, or if you’re going to do your own thing.” If someone else wants the full turkey dinner, they are free to make it themselves.

Rethink gifting

It’s not too late to set boundaries around who you’re gifting with, and how you’ll gift this year. I’ve got tons of ideas in this 2-part No Gift guide.

If you are doing all the gifting, you can still make your life easier by:

• Using gift bags instead of wrapping. Just stick it in a bag, shove in some tissue paper, and call it good.

• Utilizing free gift wrapping at stores. Shop local, as I’ve found my local boutiques and stores are more likely to offer this.

• Not paying extra for fast shipping. If it’s late, it’s late. Tell people, “That just extends the magic! Feel free to send ours the cheapest way too.”

• Get everyone gift cards. Yes, it’s still meaningful (when is money not appreciated?) and it saves you tons of time and shipping costs.

If anyone pushes back, use the responses in my No Gift guide, or say, “We’re simplifying gift giving this year. Feel free to do the same.”

Rethink decorating

Do you really need to buy a bunch of new Christmas decorations? Do you really need to deck out every room? If you love this part of Christmas, by all means, have at it. But for many, it feels like yet another chore—one you’ll have to repeat in January when it’s time to take it all down.

• Focus only on shared rooms, like your entryway and living room.

• Reuse decorations from last year; they’re still festive and it’s better for the environment and your budget.

• Keep it simple. Try a few battery-operated candles in the front window, a wreath on the door, or a sugar cookie-scented candle.

• Use easy swaps. I have one Christmas-themed hand towel for my powder room, a few dish towels, and a balsam and fir-scented candle that I’ll rotate in during the holidays.

• Have a non-conventional tree. One year, we put up a tree with lights, but no ornaments. It looked just as beautiful in a year when we couldn’t be bothered. Use a small tree, or add lights to your ficus if that feels easier.

If anyone in your household complains that it doesn’t look “Christmas-y” enough, politely invite them to shop for, set up, take down, and properly store whatever decorations they like.

Stop it with exhausting traditions

I’m looking at you, Elf-on-the-Shelf. If you love hiding the elf for your kids every year, go for it! But if the idea of finding yet another clever scenario for your elf gives you hives, this is the year to just not.

• Tell the kids they can be in charge of the elf this year. This keeps them involved in the tradition without any work on your part. (Or, tell your kids the elf has retired to Florida, and get a simple advent calendar instead.)

• Skip the stockings with a dozen tiny trinkets in each. Or fill them more simply with scratch-off lottery tickets, cozy socks, or a pint of their favorite ice cream. (Just get to the stockings first.)

• Avoid the stress of a coordinated holiday family photo, and use that imperfectly perfect one from the beach for your Christmas cards. (Or send e-cards! Or skip the cards entirely.)

• Don’t bother finding and forcing your kids into matching pajamas Christmas morning.

• If you normally host and need a break, tell folks this isn’t your year. (Even if you have the biggest house.)

Think about everything you need to do to get ready for the holidays. Find the one (or two, or three!) things that feel the most overwhelming or exhausting, and explore how you could do them differently—or decide not do them at all.

Reimagine “the holidays”

Who says you have to celebrate at someone’s house with a tree and presents? Maybe this is your year to redefine what you want your precious time off to look like.

• Take a vacation. Spend Christmas on a beach, skiing, or on a road trip. Use that paid time off to actually relax.

• Celebrate whenever you want. If it’s too much to visit both sets of parents on Christmas day, schedule your “holiday” for another weekend, or another month. There’s nothing that says you can’t celebrate Christmas in January or June.

• Start your own traditions. Once you partner up, get married, or have kids, it’s healthy and normal to want to create your own family traditions. Decide what you want your holiday to look like, then communicate to others that this is how you’ll be doing it this year.

• Stay home and do nothing. (Nothing says you have to visit family, or do anything “Christmas-y” at all!) Sleep in, make pancakes, go for a walk, eat leftover pizza, play cards, and watch movies.

Remember (from The Book of Boundaries) that you can do it any way you want. You don’t have to follow anyone else’s traditions, customs, or expectations. Creating your own can give you a renewed sense of holiday joy, and reclaim the time, energy, and capacity you’ve been lacking in other years.

Happy holidays—your way

Over the years, I’ve employed most of these strategies to make our holidays more relaxing and joyful. My family has just rolled with the changes, but even if they didn’t, I’d stand my ground. You deserve to have a season of happiness, restoration, and connection just as much as your parents, in-laws, or extended family members.

Is there a holiday tradition you’ve bucked, and been all the happier for it? Is there a tradition you’d like to buck, but need help figuring your way out of? In the spirit of giving, comments are open to all today.

XO, MU