My most effective comfort and coping tools

Food is just one of the tools in my comfort and stress-management toolbox

This issue is sponsored by Humm kombucha, the only Whole30 Approved kombucha. Their newest flavor, Ruby Red Grapefruit, is crisp, refreshing and perfect for fall. Save 20% on your order of Whole30 Approved Humm kombucha with the code RUBYRED20. 

I’ve shared before my use of food as comfort. (TL;DR: Yes, I still use food for comfort in a way that feels both soothing and mentally healthy. Plus, it’s only one of many tools in my toolbox.)

In a follow-up comment, one person asked, “What else do you do to relieve anxiety, self-soothe, and manage stress?” My first Whole30 in April 2009 forced me to find other ways to navigate discomfort by taking away the foods and drinks I used to lean on so heavily. As a result, I’m even more dialed in on the strategies and tools that work best for me during the hardest days, stressful seasons, and challenging emotions.

Listen—none of these are ground-breaking. I haven’t discovered some super-niche technique or tool that nobody’s heard of (sadly). But sometimes we just need reminding, permission, or grace—or all three. That’s what you’ll find here.

Tool #1: Going to bed toddler-early

Nothing helps more than throwing up my hands, saying, “This day needs to be over,” and going to bed toddler-early. (Always with a fiction book, never with my phone.) I’m talking 7:00, 7:30, 8:00 PM at the latest. The book helps take my mind off the stress and quiets my racing thoughts, the sleep helps restore my energy and capacity, and there’s something about purposefully ending a Very Bad Day that feels like a peaceful reset (or a middle finger to the universe—whatever works for you).

Do not feel guilty for this. Let your partner handle the kids. If you’re solo parenting, let the laundry/dishes/Netflix wait. Sleep in the guest room if you need quiet or space. Grab a book, some herbal tea, a bath—the key is purposefully deciding to end this day on YOUR terms.

Tool #2: A morning workout (or something)

Physical movement is a highly effective way for me to process stress, frustration, anxiety, and feeling overwhelmed. I think about it like a kid pitching a tantrum. They’ve got big feelings, don’t know what to do with them, and express that by kicking, yelling, pounding their fists, and flopping around on the ground. I cannot do that as a fully grown adult in a Target, but I can apply the same principles with a workout, run, hike, or ruck.

By getting into the gym (or trail, or garage) and moving my body, I’m able to physically process some of my stress, discomfort, anger, anxiety, and fear. It moves at least some of the big stuff through, which is the first necessary step. When I’m done, I have a clearer head and body and can more effectively apply more refined tools like talking about my feelings, journaling, or meditating.

Note, I do not punish myself in these workouts. I am not exorcising demons here. I’m simply moving as a way of somatically processing my feelings. I let my energy, mental health, muscles, and health factors dictate the workout. I’ve found the act of moving is effective whether I do an easy mobility and yoga session or 200-pound sled pulls.

If you struggle to tap into your feelings, talk about them, or feel so overwhelmed you’re in danger of shutting down, try to shift yourself into a different emotional state by moving your body. Dance, walk, run, swim, jump, lift—and yell if you want to. (Try it. It feels real good.)

New Ruby Red Grapefruit Kombucha from Humm

I love having a fun, fizzy, and festive beverage handy for self-care moments, social occasions, or any time I need a little pick-me-up during the week. When I want something different than sparkling water, I turn to Humm’s Whole30^® kombucha, the first and only Whole30 Approved^® kombucha. It’s brewed with no added sugar, something I didn’t even think was possible until the Humm team made it happen.   

Today, Humm is launching a BRAND NEW Ruby Red Grapefruit flavor as part of their Whole30 Approved lineup. It’s the perfect balance of tangy and sweet with delicious citrus notes for a refreshing beverage you can enjoy any time of the day.  Plus it’s packed with over 2 billion probiotics in every can! (Everyone loves gut health support, right?). Some kombuchas are sour, others way too sweet. For me, Humm strikes the perfect balance. Humm’s kombucha is flavor-forward and sweetened using only organic fruit juice, and I love the variety in their flavors. 

Give Humm’s new Whole30 Approved Ruby Red Grapefruit kombucha (or any of their other Whole30 Approved kombuchas) and save 20% on your order with code RUBYRED20. 

Tool #3: Going for a walk

Along the same vein, things always feel at least a modicum better after a walk. Sometimes it’s a power-walk. Sometimes it’s a meander. Sometimes I walk far, sometimes it’s just 10 minutes around the block. Sometimes I take Henry and notice the things he notices, sometimes I go alone and listen to music or an audiobook. But any time I feel stuck, overwhelmed, or buzzing with negative energy and stress, I go for a walk, and I feel better.

Most of these walks, I take alone. My husband sometimes offers to join, and I often say, “No, I need a me-walk.” That means I want to walk at my pace, wherever I choose, for as long as I choose, without worrying about anyone else. It’s okay to say, “No, I’d rather walk alone right now.” (And it’s equally okay to ask for company if that would make you feel better.)

Hippocrates said, “If you are in a bad mood go for a walk. If you are still in a bad mood, go for another walk.” Put on a podcast, music, an audiobook, or just listen to nature—but get outside in the sunshine (or the rain, or snow—sometimes that’s the mood) and walk.

Tool #4: Meditation

I’ve talked about my “mindright” meditation practice extensively, but it’s evolved over the years. While I still do this practice after a workout, hike, or yoga class, I now spend more time talking to Parallel Timeline Melissa, or asking God/the universe/my spirit guides for help.

Another conscientious thing I do in these sessions is “give it up.” I will think, “God, I’m in the middle of some shit right now, and it’s way too big for me. So I’m giving it up to you—my hands are off the wheel.” It feels good to acknowledge things that feel too big, and this prompts my brain and body to create space to listen for guidance, in whatever form that comes.

This, I recognize, is some advanced-level stuff. I’ve had years of practice both talking and listening to the Universe, and I can’t tell you how I know what God/the universe/Parallel Me is telling me what to do. But I do know, and it helps me feel better, so I continue to practice.

Meditation doesn’t have to be “advanced.” By devoting a few minutes to sitting quietly and focusing on your breath, you can physiologically calm your nervous system and give yourself a moment of peace in an otherwise stressful environment. If your mind wanders, that’s the practice! Return to the breath, and get up whenever you feel ready.

Tool #5: Talking about my feelings

I’m ordering these in the general priority of what I do first → what I do later in my processing. Talking about my feelings right out of the gate is hard, because (a) I often don’t even know what I feel, only that it feels hard, (b) I’m far more likely to take out stress, anger, or frustration on my conversation partner, and (c) I don’t know what I need yet—an empathetic ear, a hug, a household organization project, or something else.

But if I’m able to process some of what I’m feeling through these other means first, talking about how I feel is like the biggest release valve. I’m brutally candid in these conversations: “I am sad every day but I can’t slow myself down to really feel it.” “I’m feeling incredibly emotionally disconnected and I don’t know how to come back.” “I messed up royally and I feel so terrible and ashamed I can’t even see a path to make it right.”

I choose my conversation partners strategically—my sister, husband, therapist, mentor, friend. I tell them up front what I need from them—listen only, listen and affirm, listen and advise, listen and share—and make sure they have capacity for that. But by the time I get through this part, my path seems clearer, I feel far more supported, and everything just seems lighter.

We often play the “worst case scenario” game here. My husband will say, “Okay, work is tough right now. What’s the worst case?” And I’ll REALLY give it to him—like the WORST worst. Oddly, this makes me feel better—like we’re naming the elephant in the room. It also helps me see how unlikely the worst case really is.

Tool #6: Comfort foods

Yes, I do still use food (but not alcohol) as comfort—and quite effectively, I must say. But it’s a “pull in case of emergency” strategy, not a primary tool. I’ve simply discovered food is nowhere near as effective as any of these other strategies. It’s not as calming, grounding, soothing, or guiding. It doesn’t help me achieve a resolution. It usually doesn’t make me feel more closely connected to myself, God, or my loved ones. It never makes me feel supported or heard.

It has its place, and I’ll never deny myself this tool when, where, and how I need it. (Bagels are a go-to; I ate a lot of those in the hospice lunchroom in October.) But when it comes to self-soothing, relieving anxiety, and managing stress, I’ve got a much more effective program now. So far, there has been nothing that Tools 1-5 have not been able to see me through, especially when used in combination.

What tools do you use to help you navigate discomfort, stress, anxiety, and other hard feelings? Do you knit, paint or draw, or journal? While there are no strategies that will prove equally effective for all, the more tools we’re exposed to, the easier it will be to build a toolbox that works for you.