My worst mistake became the best advice

I ****ed up. It turned into one of the most important guiding principles of my career.

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The year was 2011. Whole30 was just two years old, and still finding its place in the Paleo and Primal-dominated world of wellness. The biggest names—Loren Cordain, Paul Jaminet, Mark Sisson—dominated online nutrition advice. Whole30 wasn’t quite the “big thing” we would become by 2015, but we had a big audience, and a lot of buzz.

Also important to note: In 2011, my communication style was blunt, my beliefs rigid, and my self-confidence exceeded only by that of a mediocre white man.

In mid-2011, the Godfather of Primal, Mark Sisson, released a new product—a whey protein powder. It used a high-quality whey protein isolate, with coconut milk powder and prebiotics. Today, I’d not blink an eye. I wouldn’t use it, because whey doesn’t work for me. But I’d certainly give it a shout-out, because whey works well for lots of people, and I trust Sisson to thoroughly research his sourcing and be transparent in his formulations.

But that’s 2025 Melissa. Let’s just say 2011 Melissa wasn’t that nuanced, or graceful.

Quintessential shirtless Sisson

Me, in 2011: “I mean, WHEY protein. Whey, as in DAIRY. In a Paleo or Primal diet? That’s not Paleo! That’s not Primal! Also, a SHAKE? It’s (gasp) processed! Not real food!” I was glowing with righteous outrage.

So I did the only thing 2011 Melissa could do. I put Sisson and his Primal Whey on blast, publicly. I posted it on Facebook, it was scathing, and it made the rounds. (I’m near-certain I used the words “sold out.”)

I didn’t have a relationship with Mark back then. However, we had met at events, and he was always very kind, considering I was a nobody and he was Mark Sisson. Which made my public recriminations that much more offensive.

I remember receiving a lot of positive feedback on my post, which only made me reaffirm my position. The people liked it. The attention felt good. I was further establishing Whole30 as a real player in the space.

Then, Sisson called.

This is 2014 Melissa—just imagine 2011 Melissa with more bangs and less empathy

Well, he emailed me first and asked for a call, which made me poop my pants. It’s one thing to trash-talk someone on the internet—another thing entirely to say it to their face. (This was my first lesson, but still not the most important.) When the phone rang, I was no longer feeling outraged or righteous.

Mark was nothing but kind. Generous, to a fault. He asked me some questions about myself, and complimented the work Whole30 was doing. Then, he brought up the protein powder. Essentially, he said, “I understand why people might think it’s off-brand, but I’ve never shied away from sharing the supplements that work for me. I worked on this formulation for two years, and you won’t find this quality anywhere else. I think there is a place for this product in a Primal framework.” He also added, not unkindly, “I always think it’s funny when people try to tell me what is and isn’t Primal. I mean, I invented it.” (How relatable that sentiment became.)

Beyond that, he added, “We’re playing in the same pool here, and I’ve always found we can go farther by working together. Also, people who like both of two brands don’t really like to see them fighting. You have a lot to offer through Whole30. If you focus on that, you’ll go far.”

I had the most complex mix of feelings hanging up the phone: gratitude, shame, excitement, regret. He was much more kind than I deserved. He owned the space we were trying to play in, and instead of ignoring me, clapping back, or shutting us down, he reached a hand out and lifted me up.

I have never forgotten this. Fifteen years later, I still keep the advice he offered as part of my key business tenets:

• Focus on your own brand, products, values, and impact.

• Don’t worry about or chase what your “competition” is doing—mind your business.

• If you have to disparage your competition in order to promote your product, you don’t have a very good product.

• People don’t like to see two brands they like putting each other down.

I never again disparaged a “competitive” brand. I stayed focused on Whole30’s unique offerings and benefits, and spoke to those. I lived by the mantra, “A rising tide raises all ships.” And I became determined to one day be in a position to reach a hand out and pull others up, just like Sisson did with me.

Me + Sisson throughout the years 🫶

You might know that Sisson and I are good friends today. He still calls me out of nowhere, and I always pick up the phone with enthusiasm. I look up to him as much as I always have, and he’s become a real mentor. I have thanked him for his kind actions so many years ago, but I don’t know if he understands how much his advice has meant to me as an entrepreneur and as human.

If you don’t own a business, this still applies to you. Go back and read those bullets, thinking about your own personal growth, hobbies, or aspirations. Mind your business, because if you’re all up in someone else’s, who’s minding yours? If you have to disparage someone else to make yourself feel or look better, you’ve got some work to do, said with love. And people who love you don’t like it when you fight with someone else they love—so figure out how to make it right, or leave the third party out of it, especially when you’re all together.

What one lesson did you learn the hard way—but it’s made all the difference? Share it with all of us in comments.

XO, MU