Wow! I haven’t read your posts in several years, and I am so happy that I read this one. I really could identify with your early defensiveness - I’ve been there too. Growth is a painful process, but denying the messiness of living causes its own flavor of unbearable pain. I think that is why we are in such trouble today. Thank you!
Welcome back! I’m sure in a decade I’ll look back on 2025 business decisions and think, “Well I’d do THAT differently today.” We’re always learning, and I hope we’re always growing too.
I learned that in any company, big or small, what you say about someone (even if you think it's relatively harmless, even if it's not disparaging, and even if the person who repeated your words had good intentions) can very easily get back to them. And you never know how they will react to what they heard. So for the last 18 years of my career, I have lived by this rule: never say something behind someone's back that you wouldn't say to their face. It was a difficult lesson to learn, but it has served me well.
This is fantastic advice, 100%. I also love the advice to compliment people behind their backs! Any chance I get, I’m telling one of my managers what a great job their team member is doing, or the business owner I’m talking to that it’s a pleasure to work with my contact on their team.
Most painful professional lesson (oh the embarrassment), but most impactful lesson: I used to work for a gov agency that enforced certain laws. I became aware that another agency was violating these laws w a software product they were using. I called up the GC (an acquaintance) and left a smarmy, self-righteous message that I tried to frame as helpful advice (we attys are sooo helpful sometimes). He called back a few days later and left me a VM saying thanks so much for the heads up and oh btw, yall are using it too (also w a smarmy tone). I literally screamed and then sat on the floor of my ofc
for 30 mins from the shame and embarrassment. That interaction taught me that when I’m feeling self-righteousness, don’t. Take a beat and find the real issue. I can be right and not be an a-hole (unless I really intend to be an a-hole, which Chads often deserve).
UGH, I can feel the pit in your stomach as I’m reading this story. We’ve all done this, and if there’s one thing I have learned and need to constantly remind myself, it is “take a beat, Melissa.” Especially if you’re pissed, especially if you’re defensive, especially if you’re feeling self-righteous.
“My self confidence exceed only by that of a mediocre white male” made me lol. Also I loved this message. Thank you!
Hahahaha but I know you know what I mean by that 😂
This is why you are one of my heroes in life. Thank you for sharing this experience and your humanity.
Ah, I appreciate that Jeff! I’m lucky to have some incredible folks to look up to (and who were willing to invest their time in me).
Wow! I haven’t read your posts in several years, and I am so happy that I read this one. I really could identify with your early defensiveness - I’ve been there too. Growth is a painful process, but denying the messiness of living causes its own flavor of unbearable pain. I think that is why we are in such trouble today. Thank you!
Welcome back! I’m sure in a decade I’ll look back on 2025 business decisions and think, “Well I’d do THAT differently today.” We’re always learning, and I hope we’re always growing too.
I’m curious to know the story of how you changed your mind on the plant-based lifestyle.
I WILL SHARE THAT! 💚 I could write an entire book about all the things I’ve changed my mind on 😂
This was a great read Melissa, thank you!
I’m glad you liked it!
I learned that in any company, big or small, what you say about someone (even if you think it's relatively harmless, even if it's not disparaging, and even if the person who repeated your words had good intentions) can very easily get back to them. And you never know how they will react to what they heard. So for the last 18 years of my career, I have lived by this rule: never say something behind someone's back that you wouldn't say to their face. It was a difficult lesson to learn, but it has served me well.
This is fantastic advice, 100%. I also love the advice to compliment people behind their backs! Any chance I get, I’m telling one of my managers what a great job their team member is doing, or the business owner I’m talking to that it’s a pleasure to work with my contact on their team.
Thank you for sharing! It just shows how you’ve always shown up as yourself and explained how you, personally, as well as
Professionally have grown and evolved over the years. You have taught me so much over the many years!❤️
Most painful professional lesson (oh the embarrassment), but most impactful lesson: I used to work for a gov agency that enforced certain laws. I became aware that another agency was violating these laws w a software product they were using. I called up the GC (an acquaintance) and left a smarmy, self-righteous message that I tried to frame as helpful advice (we attys are sooo helpful sometimes). He called back a few days later and left me a VM saying thanks so much for the heads up and oh btw, yall are using it too (also w a smarmy tone). I literally screamed and then sat on the floor of my ofc
for 30 mins from the shame and embarrassment. That interaction taught me that when I’m feeling self-righteousness, don’t. Take a beat and find the real issue. I can be right and not be an a-hole (unless I really intend to be an a-hole, which Chads often deserve).
UGH, I can feel the pit in your stomach as I’m reading this story. We’ve all done this, and if there’s one thing I have learned and need to constantly remind myself, it is “take a beat, Melissa.” Especially if you’re pissed, especially if you’re defensive, especially if you’re feeling self-righteous.