Using fewer, um, filler words

"Um," "like," and "you know" have their place in casual conversation, but if you want to up your professional game and ditch the fillers, here's how

CARNE ASADA IS BACK! (I refuse to bury the lede.) Chipotle is my ride-or-die for busy seasons, weekday lunches, Friday night take-out, or game day fare. Featuring their delicious Adobo Chicken, fan-favorite Carnitas, and tender Carne Asada (for a limited time), the Wholesome Bowl is packed with veggies (crisp Supergreens, sizzling fajita veggies, and fresh tomato salsa), and topped with a satisfying scoop of guac. Visit the Chipotle app or website, tap Lifestyle Bowls, and order the Wholesome Bowl today for delivery or pick-up.

Back in April, I recorded a podcast with Cody Harman of the Coach Cody Podcast. It was a great conversation about Whole30, allyship, boundaries, and entrepreneuring. A few days later, Cody sent me an email:

“I am editing the podcast, and Riverside puts these little marks where there are pauses or filler words. (It gives you the option to remove them). You had ZERO filler words, where I always have quite a few. How did you become such a good speaker? —Cody”

I was a public speaker well before Whole30, but I’ve certainly had much more practice in my current career. When I thought about Cody’s question, I realized there was one thing that took my speaking from good to great—at least, when it comes to filler words. This skill also comes in handy during sales presentations, team offsites, PTA meetings, and advocacy work.

So yes, I’ll share the trick, but I’ll warn you... you may think, “I’ve heard this before.” And you probably have! Still, I bet nobody has told you exactly how to do it. (Or, at least not the way that I think about it.) Here it is:

I got comfortable with silence

I used to pepper all of my conversations with “like” and “um” as much as the next person. In fact, in casual conversation, I still sprinkle them in. (They can make a conversation feel more casual and intimate, shifting you from “speaking” to “chatting.”) But at work, you’ll rarely find a filler word, even when I’m talking for an hour at a time. So what do I do now?

Nothing. Literally, I do nothing.

I got comfortable with letting myself be silent, smack in the middle of a sentence. People often use filler words when they’re thinking about their next point, looking for the right word, or are nervous and need a second. All of that happens to me too. But instead of using a filler word, I started doing… nothing. I’d pause, collect my thoughts, and then continue speaking.

It was scary, at first. I imagined it creating “dead zones” in my speaking. I assumed people would be annoyed, or that it would sound jarring to them. It seemed like my pauses lasted minutes. But over time, I realized none of that was true. The pauses became part of the conversation. Nobody got annoyed or rushed me, ever. (Probably because these pauses would actually last just a second or two.) It didn’t feel jarring or disconnected.

In fact, when I’d listen to my own podcasts or TV appearances, the pauses sounded perfectly natural And to my surprise, the pauses made me sound more engaged and thoughtful. Instead of an “um,” which can come across as uncertain, a pause sounded deliberate and confident.

As I continued to practice, and I began to get through longer interviews with zero filler words at all. Zip, zero, none. Not that zero is the goal—there is a time and place for a well-placed filler word! But I wasn’t leaning on them any more.

Silence was my new default.

Start with silence

That part probably wasn’t new. “Practicing the pause” is part of every public speaker training. What’s new, I’m betting, is how I’d encourage you to go about this practice.

So often, when people try to reduce their use of filler words, they focus on simply eliminating the words. They’ll tell themselves to notice when a filler word comes up, and then just edit it out. In my experience, that is highly ineffective.

Filler words often serve a purpose. If you’re using them to gather your thoughts, decide what or how much to say, or find your confidence, removing the word alone doesn’t solve your problem. You’ll skip the word, but still need a moment to think, decide, or hype yourself up. Removing that moment will just make you feel rushed, uncomfortable, and more self-conscious.

Instead, start by creating more silence in your speaking. Don’t worry about filler words just yet, and start adding moments of silence in the middle of your thoughts or sentences. When talking with a friend, purposefully pause halfway through your point, then move onto the rest of your sentence. When called on during a meeting, start your answer, pause for a beat, then continue.

(Note: Don’t practice pausing at the end of a sentence, as that indicates, “I’m done talking now.” You’ve gotta stick them in the middle.)

One natural place to insert them is before an adjective. The next time you’re talking about the amazing sunset you saw, pause before “amazing” and think, “Is there a more descriptive word I can use?” (Stunning, splendid, fiery, glorious.)

You can try replacing filler words with silence at this point, but that may prove too many areas of focus. Instead, concentrate on letting yourself go still during conversations. This will help you get more comfortable and confident in those moments of silence. (You may also notice yourself using fewer filler words naturally during this part of the practice!)

This XOMU is sponsored by our friends at Chipotle. Fun fact: “Carne asada” is Chipotle’s most-searched menu item… and it’s BACK, just in time for the September Whole30 and football season! Order one of THREE Wholesome Bowls from the Chipotle app or website today, and get your fill of Carne Asada before it says “adieu” once again.

Move onto the filler words

Once this starts to feel more natural, you can begin the habit of noticing and replacing the filler words in your speech patterns. In the beginning, you’ll continue to use a lot of “ums” and “likes,” which might be frustrating. Don’t be frustrated! This is a subconscious, long-standing habit. It’s going to take time to shift. Here’s how you start:

• Notice when you use a filler word.

• Pause, rewind, and start again.

• Repeat throughout the conversation.

It sounds like this: “The Whole30 is, um… (moment of silence)… I’d describe the Whole30 as a self-experiment.”

If your filler words tend to come up at the end, (like closing your point with “you know?” or “right?”), picture a typewriter stamping a firm period at the end of each sentence. If you start to say “you know,” cut yourself off, even if you’re halfway through the phrase.

If this sounds uncomfortable, that’s because it will be. You’ll really want to fill that silence. This is your practice. I promise, the silence feels much longer to you than your conversation partner. (Listen to any one of my podcast episodes. You’ll notice those pauses now that I’m pointing them out, but I bet you’ve skipped right over them in the past.)

You may also be worried that your conversation partner will be annoyed with stops and starts as you correct yourself. Unless it’s a formal presentation, just tell them! “I’m working on my speaking, and eliminating filler words. It’s been harder than I’d imagined!”

Over time, the pause will feel more automatic. You’ll begin to naturally filter out filler words in favor of thoughtful moments of silence. And you’ll find taking those pauses feels both refreshing and restorative; like a mini breath of fresh air in your conversation.

Tips and tricks

“What if I pause and still can’t find the next word or phrase?” That’s okay! If this happens, just say so. I have to do this a lot when my concussion symptoms flare. “What’s the word for being super committed?… Devoted! I was devoted to my cold showers.” (Or just say “super committed.” There are no extra points for using the fanciest word.)

It can also be helpful to dig a little deeper, and identify where and why you may be using filler words. For some, they’re just part of the lexicon, woven into your speech patterns. But you may be using them when you aren’t sure what to say next, or are feeling uncomfortable. Perhaps you’re speaking so quickly that you need “um” to slow yourself down. Or maybe you throw in filler words like “you know” or “right” to gauge how others are reacting to what you’re saying.

Filming yourself while talking can be helpful here. Film the answer to a potential interview question or record an Instagram story about your day while talking to the camera. Make it a decent length—at least 60 seconds. (Give yourself enough time to lapse into a normal speech pattern.) Then, notice where you used filler words.

You can also ask a friend to pay attention to filler words when you’re talking, and see if they can identify patterns or trends. Or practice slowing your rate of speech, and see if that naturally lends itself to fewer filler words.

I listened to another podcast episode of mine today (the one I recorded for The Concussion Legacy Foundation). I did use “like” a handful of times in that hour, when I was sharing something particularly personal, emotional, or confusing. It felt natural to lapse into more casual conversation patterns here, so I did.

The goal isn’t to become a robot, never using filler words and always speaking precisely. The goal is to be able to flex your conversation style to suit the situation, and use silence comfortably and confidently as needed. You know?

XO, MU