Your social media survival kit

Things I remind myself when everything is terrible, everyone is a jerkface, and it’s all just too much

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It’s been a MONTH. (If I’m being honest, three months.) The news has been anxiety-provoking, the discourse around “healthy foods” has proven polarizing, and now the holiday season is upon us, adding even more stress. In my universe (mostly Instagram comments and direct messages), people have felt emboldened to leave some of the nastiest messages I’ve ever seen.

I’m no stranger to mean messages. It comes with the territory; once your account grows to a certain degree, you’re gonna get trolls. This is especially true when you also take a direct stance on controversial topics, like politics, human rights, and seed oils. (Obviously.)

Most of the time, I can let these things roll off my back. Still, I’d be lying if I said some of them didn’t hurt my feelings, leave me enraged, or make me throw up in my mouth a little. In those moments, I have a few mantras that I like to use to calm myself down and regain perspective. Some of them I learned in therapy, some of them I learned from books, and some of them I made up myself, because I’ve had lots of practice.

Social media mantras

Maybe some of my inner monologue can help you too, whether you’re tempted to argue online with a stranger, reply to your ex’s baiting text, or snap at your critical mother-in-law at Thanksgiving.

1. It’s not personal (on the internet)

Social media people don’t know me. Even if they follow me (and 99% of them don’t), they still don’t know me. As such, the things they say are not personal or relevant to me, which means I can simply discard them. Yes, it can be that easy.

2. Their comments say more about them than they do about me

This is true 100% of the time. Their nasty words, insults, or wild accusations say nothing about me. (Remember The Lesson of the Lamp? It’s just their lamp.) They do, however, say a lot about them. (I might add, “and none of it is flattering,” but that’s not my business. Still, sometimes I think it.) Also, judgment is a mirror, not a window. Often, people criticize the things they feel the most insecure about—but whatever their subconscious motivation, it’s not about you.

3. Any reaction is giving away your power

These people (trolls) only have power over me if I allow them to. Responding to their nasty comment gives them a lot of my energy. Stewing on it for hours still gives them my energy, even if they never know it. Spending an hour trying to figure out where Brad lives and works because his comment was so vile that I’d want to share it with his employer, his wife, and his mother… that’s giving Brad all of my energy. And my energy is too precious to waste on people like that.

4. They have to be them, while I get to be me

If you’re the kind of person who deliberately goes out of their way to be mean, harassing, or threatening to a total stranger—I don’t want your life. I wouldn’t want to live inside your head. I wouldn’t want to exist with that level of insecurity, jealousy, discontent, loneliness, or ignorance. No thanks, because I’m amazing! And you have to be… you. Bleh.

5. Nobody doing better than you is going to go out of their way to be mean to you

Successful, confident, powerful people don’t need to try and bring other people down to feel better about themselves. (Like, it would literally never occur to me to behave like that.) If you come into my feed just to say something mean, you’re obviously not doing better than me—even if by all appearances you’re “successful” or “influential.” In which case, your opinion is irrelevant for me or my life, and I can move on.

6. You can just not

An Instagram post that blows up (in a negative way) can suck you in and make you feel like you have to be hyper-vigilant about comments, replies, and DMs. But you could just not. When I realize that social media is influencing how I feel and relate to others IRL, I just… stop. I stop looking, I stop checking, I just stop. It’s just Instagram, and I don’t owe anyone sh*t. Bye, nasty people! Fight amongst yourselves or scream into the void, because I won’t be there to receive it.

7. You never know what someone else is going through

Finally, I remind myself that people lash out for all kinds of reasons, and you really never know. This is often really hard, but when I can find it, it does let me breathe a little easier and release some of my anger. (For the record, men who leave sexist, misogynistic, or sexually harassing comments will never have my compassion… but for others, I try. Or at least try to try.)

I feel better already

This is a thorough but not exhaustive list of the ways I cope with nasty people online. Feel free to steal and employ any of these—I find they work best in combination. (My favorite is 2 + 4, with a side of 6 as needed.)

Do you have a mantra you use, or something you tell yourself that really does help you let it go? Please share in comments (today, they’re open to everyone), because we could all use the extra support right now.

XO, MU

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