Wow, Melissa. Thank you for sharing your experience. I am so glad that it is working for you. As we learn more and more about the brain, its functions, its ability to adapt, and how our bodies respond to certain interventions, it’s reassuring that it’s being used to HELP people, instead of exploit them - at least in this iteration!! I can understand your fear about using “a drug” and how it would impact your recovery.
I have only been high on weed a few times (I’m such a RULE BREAKER!), and twice I’ve wanted the experience to be over now, please. My anxiety ratcheted up exponentially because I wasn’t in control. That’s also why I WILL NOT throw up, so the idea of intentionally putting myself in a situation where I could throw up is... not gonna happen. LOL.
Depression is super common in my family, but it’s only in my sister and my lifetime that we’ve actively talked about it with our aunts and my dad. As it turns out, when I did 23 and Me, I found out that I metabolize the Prozac family of drugs (and some other ones, too) too fast, so they don’t work for me. So, all those years trying various forms of Prozac never made a difference. It wasn’t until a psychiatrist prescribed Effexor (which is an SNRI, rather than an SSRI) that I had a MARKED, amazing, overnight improvement. It was astonishing. The sky was BLUE, the clouds were WHITE. It was like everything suddenly had color. I took it for a few years, but the side effects, especially because the meds work less well the longer you take them, were not great. I would get “room spins.” So, I worked my way off of it and did hypnotherapy for a decade. I tried to go back on Effexor a few years ago, and it was horrible. It’s very interesting how body chemistry and the brain change over time.
Currently, I take Zoloft, and that seems to keep me in check, more or less. I have found that for me, if I consciously ALLOW myself to just be where I am, the depression lifts more quickly than if I fight it. Being a high functioning person, no one ever suspects/suspected that anything is/was wrong. It’s a good news/bad news situation. Yay for functioning, but boy is it exhausting. And you literally have to TELL PEOPLE that you’re not okay, because you’re the “strong one” but it sure would be nice if people noticed that you were not okay! Come on, people, read my mind. It’s not that hard!! HA!
Again, thank you so much for your vulnerability in sharing this experience. I appreciate you!
I'm so glad you were able to trial and error your way to something that actually worked for you. I have friends who have gone through just about every depression medication, and nothing has parted the clouds for them--it's hard to watch, and even more difficult to experience, I'm sure. I'm happy to share, and the discussion here has been fantastic! I think all of your comments will help others. XO
I did ketamine therapy through Mindbloom, which allowed me to do it at home. My first session was August 2022, and my last one was March 2023. I’ve done 10 sessions. 5 of them felt like nothing, 4 of them were psychedelic experiences that lasted about 1 hour and were intense but not as intense as Melissa’s. I still had the concept in of time in the back of my head. These 4 sessions were incredibly beautiful experiences - I felt loved and whole for the first time in my memory. I felt reborn, I saw myself in the future living joyfully and confidently. These 4 1-hour experiences alone were transformative. I still carry them with me when I feel lost or confused. But, like Melissa, it wasn’t really about the trip itself. The medicine works on your brain in other ways. My depression faded and has been kept at bay, but I also made HUGE advancements in my therapy. I was able to finally integrate the things that I struggled with knowing in my head but not believing. The types of things that we get stuck on and just keep going in circles with in therapy. For a few days or a week after a session I felt very tender and vulnerable. So I kept my life small and pleasant as much as I could. I wanted to hold onto and solidify the joy I had experienced in the trip. This was true even with some of the sessions that I didn’t have a psychedelic experience at all. And there was 1 session that went a little funky. On accident I misused the medicine and went on a much deeper trip than all the others and it lasted 12 hours. It wasn’t awful like Melissa’s, but I definitely didn't want to do it again. When I came out of it, I felt like 10 years had passed. I was very raw for days afterward.
I have recommended ketamine therapy to many people and had an overwhelmingly positive experience. I am sorry that Melissa’s was so difficult! But I also know what it’s like to be willing to go thru a small hell in order to come back to yourself.
Thank you so much for sharing Melissa! And if anyone has questions about my ketamine experience, I’m happy to chat about it.
I've heard of Mindbloom! I'm glad it worked for you, and that you had some beautiful experiences. I'd probably still not recommend a self-guided journey for someone's first time, though, just in case! I'd feel so much safer knowing someone was being monitored and guided by a healthcare professional. Still, I bet Mindbloom would be a good option for "maintenance" if I needed it, especially as the dosage seems less intense than my sessions. Thanks so much for sharing! XO
Thank you for sharing! I use ketamine as an occasional functioning depressed person, as well. Like Kai, I use a “pill” that goes under my tongue, so I’m at home and it’s a low dose. Zero tripping. I chill out for about 90 minutes while I take it because my only side effect is mild spins. It’s not my favorite 90 minutes but very manageable (and, I don’t suffer well, so if I can handle it, it’s mild ;).
The low does is enough to give me a small mental shift that allows me to work my way out of my low. Sometimes I feel the mental shift the same day; sometimes it’s about 24 hours til I notice a difference. I usually take the ketamine every 3-4 days for 2 weeks (sometimes only one) and then I seem to be back to myself.
So glad my psychiatrist recommended this treatment (btw, first treatment was in his office so he could monitor me and my heart rate). This medicine has been life changing for me.
My therapist has suggested lozenges for me as well, as maintenance if needed. Because I respond so well to the therapy, she thinks I can get bang for the buck with a lozenge versus needing to go in-clinic and get the big shot. I'd 100% consider it, should I need it again. Thanks so much for sharing!
Thanks as always for sharing Melissa! I’ve done Ketamine lozenges prescribed by my psychiatrist. No where close to the experience you had--it’s a much gentler “trip”. I use them for a “touch up” if you will when I feel my mood start to dip. It definitely helps! The thing that saved my life was TMS. It’s not a quick fix but it’s effective and with no side effects. In addition insurance covers it now.
My therapist and I have discussed lozenges should I ever need treatment again. She works with an MD who can prescribe them, and because my trips are so uncomfortable and the treatment has historically been so effective for me, she thinks these smaller, more frequent doses would work very well for me.
I appreciate all of the comments here that share a variety of personal experiences with other treatment modalities! I can't speak to those, but I'm happy people can see here that there are options! XO
I've been doing it for a while now and it's life changing for changing nueropathways. I was stuck af in trauma responses. I do it along with therapy. I work with a functional medical doc and somatic therapist. I was scared at first and less so now. It's a powerful effective tool
Its the only way I recommend it. I'm not getting Injections and im not "tripping balls". And it's still effective. The Huberman Lab has an excellent podcast on how it works in the brain short and long term for depression treatment
This post popped up at just the right time for me! Thank you! I’ve been considering ketamine therapy for my depression and have been on the fence about it. The fact that your trips were so bad makes me a little hesitant, but the effects sound undeniable. I’m going to look into it more.
The comments here are a testament to the idea that there are a NUMBER of ways to receive ketamine therapy, and some are far more mellow. I went with the "one big punch, long-lasting effect" option, which has proven incredibly effective for ME. But there are other options that involve more mild forms of therapy taken more often that have been equally effective for others. XO
I hit a wall in therapy, so my therapist recommended ketamine. I remembered you posting abt it Melissa (and you answered my inquisitive DM, thank you!), I did a series of 6 with a 7th booster months later, (for the booster, I forgot to use my LMNT for hydration, went on an empty stomach, got coffee on the way—-please, don’t anyone do this). So obviously for my 7th session/booster I got sick (for the first time ever) but that was avoidable. I quickly learned what my body needed to handle each session.
I didn’t hate my sessions. The setting was dark, cool, chill, therapeutic (leather couch, blankets, monsterras in each corner). A nurse sat with me the entire time. Spotify as it turns out has a ton of keta playlists. On the way home from one session I had an amazing breakthrough 🤯 Altogether, and combined with talk therapy and EMDR, my mindset began to shift and I started to understand/get to know the person underneath the cptsd, GAD and major recurrent depressive disorder.
But even the longest forward leaps in therapy (different for everyone) involve slips, and when slips become slides I schedule a booster.
I’m grateful to have the means, I wish everyone did. It would help so many ppl. Because one unexpected side effect of ketamine for me was no longer fearing death. I didn’t feel like I was going to die, I felt like I got a peek at the natural transition that death would be (woo, I know, but come on, I was tripping, too).
I wouldn’t have tried it (I would have at least been much harder to convince) if not for Melissa, so thank you, you’ve actually been instrumental in several recovery processes for me :)
Much love ✌🏻and good luck to those seeking relief 🫶🏻
I have done three sessions with Mindbloom using the lozenges. I have past experience with other psychedelics recreationally (mushrooms, LSD) and even at the highest dose they prescribe, this method is nothing like those, at least for me. I found the sessions very relaxing, with a physical feeling of gentle warm waves coming over me. In my first session I was trying too hard to make something happen but by the third I tried to be a bit more accepting of whatever comes. Early impressions were a bit “meh” but in speaking to my “guide” after the third session, she helped me see how my mood overall had improved and I was letting small things go more easily. I agree with Melissa in that talk therapy/integration paired with ketamine is a must. I actually still have 3 of my 6 paid doses left after letting them sit for months. Maybe it’s time to carve time in my schedule for a few sessions. The December low is pretty real right now. Thank you for sharing!
This is great intel, thank you! It seems like the lozenges are a much gentler experience, with smaller (but still noticeable) benefits that do add up as sessions go on. It's an option for me going forward; my therapist partners with an MD who prescribes them, and I already know it's wildly effective for me. Thanks again! XO
Brand new subscriber, first time commenting. Thank you so much for sharing your experience!!
I’ve been on a healing journey for the past few years and have been doing the work, taking the meds, giving myself grace, and really growing. My husband.... has not. To the point where there’s a lot of resentment.
When I started hearing of ketamine treatments I thought it would be perfect for him. There’s a block that he doesn’t acknowledge or process or even discuss with me (LOTS of deep trauma to unpack) and he refuses to go to therapy. Took Lexapro for about 3 months and then took himself off because he hated feeling ‘numb’ - even though he was suffering from suicidal thoughts over the summer.
My question is - do you think ketamine should be approached when one has already tried/failed other treatments like therapy, etc? Or could it be a first step to open his mind to *start* doing the work?
I know, trust me, I do know this question is best left to a qualified mental health professional/doctor but I’m curious if you can help shed light on it from your personal experience. Anything helps, I greatly value your opinion if you care to share. Thanks for everything you do.
Thank you for sharing this Melissa! I am a mental health therapist and it is SO helpful to hear people’s experiences to have the knowledge to share with others. Your vulnerability is so commendable! Thank you!!!
Well, I have to be the one that asks.... What are your best tips for tripping your balls off?! Thank you for sharing your experience!! It's incredibly brave and immensely helpful. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this. And thank you for putting words to something that has always left me uneasy with the modern “psychedelics as wellness” trends. It does seem to treat them too lightly.
Wow, Melissa. Thank you for sharing your experience. I am so glad that it is working for you. As we learn more and more about the brain, its functions, its ability to adapt, and how our bodies respond to certain interventions, it’s reassuring that it’s being used to HELP people, instead of exploit them - at least in this iteration!! I can understand your fear about using “a drug” and how it would impact your recovery.
I have only been high on weed a few times (I’m such a RULE BREAKER!), and twice I’ve wanted the experience to be over now, please. My anxiety ratcheted up exponentially because I wasn’t in control. That’s also why I WILL NOT throw up, so the idea of intentionally putting myself in a situation where I could throw up is... not gonna happen. LOL.
Depression is super common in my family, but it’s only in my sister and my lifetime that we’ve actively talked about it with our aunts and my dad. As it turns out, when I did 23 and Me, I found out that I metabolize the Prozac family of drugs (and some other ones, too) too fast, so they don’t work for me. So, all those years trying various forms of Prozac never made a difference. It wasn’t until a psychiatrist prescribed Effexor (which is an SNRI, rather than an SSRI) that I had a MARKED, amazing, overnight improvement. It was astonishing. The sky was BLUE, the clouds were WHITE. It was like everything suddenly had color. I took it for a few years, but the side effects, especially because the meds work less well the longer you take them, were not great. I would get “room spins.” So, I worked my way off of it and did hypnotherapy for a decade. I tried to go back on Effexor a few years ago, and it was horrible. It’s very interesting how body chemistry and the brain change over time.
Currently, I take Zoloft, and that seems to keep me in check, more or less. I have found that for me, if I consciously ALLOW myself to just be where I am, the depression lifts more quickly than if I fight it. Being a high functioning person, no one ever suspects/suspected that anything is/was wrong. It’s a good news/bad news situation. Yay for functioning, but boy is it exhausting. And you literally have to TELL PEOPLE that you’re not okay, because you’re the “strong one” but it sure would be nice if people noticed that you were not okay! Come on, people, read my mind. It’s not that hard!! HA!
Again, thank you so much for your vulnerability in sharing this experience. I appreciate you!
I'm so glad you were able to trial and error your way to something that actually worked for you. I have friends who have gone through just about every depression medication, and nothing has parted the clouds for them--it's hard to watch, and even more difficult to experience, I'm sure. I'm happy to share, and the discussion here has been fantastic! I think all of your comments will help others. XO
I did ketamine therapy through Mindbloom, which allowed me to do it at home. My first session was August 2022, and my last one was March 2023. I’ve done 10 sessions. 5 of them felt like nothing, 4 of them were psychedelic experiences that lasted about 1 hour and were intense but not as intense as Melissa’s. I still had the concept in of time in the back of my head. These 4 sessions were incredibly beautiful experiences - I felt loved and whole for the first time in my memory. I felt reborn, I saw myself in the future living joyfully and confidently. These 4 1-hour experiences alone were transformative. I still carry them with me when I feel lost or confused. But, like Melissa, it wasn’t really about the trip itself. The medicine works on your brain in other ways. My depression faded and has been kept at bay, but I also made HUGE advancements in my therapy. I was able to finally integrate the things that I struggled with knowing in my head but not believing. The types of things that we get stuck on and just keep going in circles with in therapy. For a few days or a week after a session I felt very tender and vulnerable. So I kept my life small and pleasant as much as I could. I wanted to hold onto and solidify the joy I had experienced in the trip. This was true even with some of the sessions that I didn’t have a psychedelic experience at all. And there was 1 session that went a little funky. On accident I misused the medicine and went on a much deeper trip than all the others and it lasted 12 hours. It wasn’t awful like Melissa’s, but I definitely didn't want to do it again. When I came out of it, I felt like 10 years had passed. I was very raw for days afterward.
I have recommended ketamine therapy to many people and had an overwhelmingly positive experience. I am sorry that Melissa’s was so difficult! But I also know what it’s like to be willing to go thru a small hell in order to come back to yourself.
Thank you so much for sharing Melissa! And if anyone has questions about my ketamine experience, I’m happy to chat about it.
I've heard of Mindbloom! I'm glad it worked for you, and that you had some beautiful experiences. I'd probably still not recommend a self-guided journey for someone's first time, though, just in case! I'd feel so much safer knowing someone was being monitored and guided by a healthcare professional. Still, I bet Mindbloom would be a good option for "maintenance" if I needed it, especially as the dosage seems less intense than my sessions. Thanks so much for sharing! XO
Thank you for sharing! I use ketamine as an occasional functioning depressed person, as well. Like Kai, I use a “pill” that goes under my tongue, so I’m at home and it’s a low dose. Zero tripping. I chill out for about 90 minutes while I take it because my only side effect is mild spins. It’s not my favorite 90 minutes but very manageable (and, I don’t suffer well, so if I can handle it, it’s mild ;).
The low does is enough to give me a small mental shift that allows me to work my way out of my low. Sometimes I feel the mental shift the same day; sometimes it’s about 24 hours til I notice a difference. I usually take the ketamine every 3-4 days for 2 weeks (sometimes only one) and then I seem to be back to myself.
So glad my psychiatrist recommended this treatment (btw, first treatment was in his office so he could monitor me and my heart rate). This medicine has been life changing for me.
My therapist has suggested lozenges for me as well, as maintenance if needed. Because I respond so well to the therapy, she thinks I can get bang for the buck with a lozenge versus needing to go in-clinic and get the big shot. I'd 100% consider it, should I need it again. Thanks so much for sharing!
Thanks as always for sharing Melissa! I’ve done Ketamine lozenges prescribed by my psychiatrist. No where close to the experience you had--it’s a much gentler “trip”. I use them for a “touch up” if you will when I feel my mood start to dip. It definitely helps! The thing that saved my life was TMS. It’s not a quick fix but it’s effective and with no side effects. In addition insurance covers it now.
My therapist and I have discussed lozenges should I ever need treatment again. She works with an MD who can prescribe them, and because my trips are so uncomfortable and the treatment has historically been so effective for me, she thinks these smaller, more frequent doses would work very well for me.
I appreciate all of the comments here that share a variety of personal experiences with other treatment modalities! I can't speak to those, but I'm happy people can see here that there are options! XO
I've been doing it for a while now and it's life changing for changing nueropathways. I was stuck af in trauma responses. I do it along with therapy. I work with a functional medical doc and somatic therapist. I was scared at first and less so now. It's a powerful effective tool
I highly recommend it
I'm so thrilled that you are feeling so much better! "With proper support" is truly key.
Its the only way I recommend it. I'm not getting Injections and im not "tripping balls". And it's still effective. The Huberman Lab has an excellent podcast on how it works in the brain short and long term for depression treatment
With proper support!
This post popped up at just the right time for me! Thank you! I’ve been considering ketamine therapy for my depression and have been on the fence about it. The fact that your trips were so bad makes me a little hesitant, but the effects sound undeniable. I’m going to look into it more.
The comments here are a testament to the idea that there are a NUMBER of ways to receive ketamine therapy, and some are far more mellow. I went with the "one big punch, long-lasting effect" option, which has proven incredibly effective for ME. But there are other options that involve more mild forms of therapy taken more often that have been equally effective for others. XO
I hit a wall in therapy, so my therapist recommended ketamine. I remembered you posting abt it Melissa (and you answered my inquisitive DM, thank you!), I did a series of 6 with a 7th booster months later, (for the booster, I forgot to use my LMNT for hydration, went on an empty stomach, got coffee on the way—-please, don’t anyone do this). So obviously for my 7th session/booster I got sick (for the first time ever) but that was avoidable. I quickly learned what my body needed to handle each session.
I didn’t hate my sessions. The setting was dark, cool, chill, therapeutic (leather couch, blankets, monsterras in each corner). A nurse sat with me the entire time. Spotify as it turns out has a ton of keta playlists. On the way home from one session I had an amazing breakthrough 🤯 Altogether, and combined with talk therapy and EMDR, my mindset began to shift and I started to understand/get to know the person underneath the cptsd, GAD and major recurrent depressive disorder.
But even the longest forward leaps in therapy (different for everyone) involve slips, and when slips become slides I schedule a booster.
I’m grateful to have the means, I wish everyone did. It would help so many ppl. Because one unexpected side effect of ketamine for me was no longer fearing death. I didn’t feel like I was going to die, I felt like I got a peek at the natural transition that death would be (woo, I know, but come on, I was tripping, too).
I wouldn’t have tried it (I would have at least been much harder to convince) if not for Melissa, so thank you, you’ve actually been instrumental in several recovery processes for me :)
Much love ✌🏻and good luck to those seeking relief 🫶🏻
I have done three sessions with Mindbloom using the lozenges. I have past experience with other psychedelics recreationally (mushrooms, LSD) and even at the highest dose they prescribe, this method is nothing like those, at least for me. I found the sessions very relaxing, with a physical feeling of gentle warm waves coming over me. In my first session I was trying too hard to make something happen but by the third I tried to be a bit more accepting of whatever comes. Early impressions were a bit “meh” but in speaking to my “guide” after the third session, she helped me see how my mood overall had improved and I was letting small things go more easily. I agree with Melissa in that talk therapy/integration paired with ketamine is a must. I actually still have 3 of my 6 paid doses left after letting them sit for months. Maybe it’s time to carve time in my schedule for a few sessions. The December low is pretty real right now. Thank you for sharing!
This is great intel, thank you! It seems like the lozenges are a much gentler experience, with smaller (but still noticeable) benefits that do add up as sessions go on. It's an option for me going forward; my therapist partners with an MD who prescribes them, and I already know it's wildly effective for me. Thanks again! XO
Brand new subscriber, first time commenting. Thank you so much for sharing your experience!!
I’ve been on a healing journey for the past few years and have been doing the work, taking the meds, giving myself grace, and really growing. My husband.... has not. To the point where there’s a lot of resentment.
When I started hearing of ketamine treatments I thought it would be perfect for him. There’s a block that he doesn’t acknowledge or process or even discuss with me (LOTS of deep trauma to unpack) and he refuses to go to therapy. Took Lexapro for about 3 months and then took himself off because he hated feeling ‘numb’ - even though he was suffering from suicidal thoughts over the summer.
My question is - do you think ketamine should be approached when one has already tried/failed other treatments like therapy, etc? Or could it be a first step to open his mind to *start* doing the work?
I know, trust me, I do know this question is best left to a qualified mental health professional/doctor but I’m curious if you can help shed light on it from your personal experience. Anything helps, I greatly value your opinion if you care to share. Thanks for everything you do.
-SC
Thank you for sharing this Melissa! I am a mental health therapist and it is SO helpful to hear people’s experiences to have the knowledge to share with others. Your vulnerability is so commendable! Thank you!!!
Well, I have to be the one that asks.... What are your best tips for tripping your balls off?! Thank you for sharing your experience!! It's incredibly brave and immensely helpful. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this. And thank you for putting words to something that has always left me uneasy with the modern “psychedelics as wellness” trends. It does seem to treat them too lightly.