I find that I have a Jekyll/Hyde mentality. I have an afternoon/evening where I tell myself in the moment that my food choices are worth it, I just need the break from kids, life and stress. But when it’s all done I feel guilty. I can tell myself it’s fine and worth it but the guilt still comes through. And I know an all or nothing relationship with food won’t work because I’ll feel deprived and go all in. I still have some work to do on the relationship and forgiving myself. Thank you Melissa for continuing to write about your food freedom and whether it’s worth it. It gets me a step closer every time I read something like this.
Okay, I want you to examine those feelings a little more closely. Is it that after the fact, you feel guilty because although the food really DID make you feel better and it really WAS worth it, you feel like you "should" have coped a different way?
OR, are you translating the feeling as "guilt," but it's really disappointment because in retrospect, you thought the food would make you feel better, and it turns out it just didn't, or wasn't really what you needed?
I’m not sure what I think about this in terms of how it could apply to me... obviously great for you and whomever it helps. I’m overweight (and have been my entire life) and have found I have felt the healthiest (physically and emotionally) when I’m doing some kind of abstaining, and I really struggle with food freedom because I find a lot of things, “worth it,” or at least my bar for what crosses that threshold isn’t low enough on an ongoing basis to develop optimal physical health. But I don’t feel shame or guilt about that any particular food on a given day. But I’m often unhappy with the build up overall. I don’t have a great conclusion here, I guess individually comfort eating is whatever, but the regularity I do it with doesn’t serve me, so in doing it less... how much is too much, when does it cross from serving me in the moment to not serving me in retrospect? I have no idea.
Melanie, I can relate to this so much. I have done W30 several times, and have integrated new behaviors and foods into my life as a result. Yet, I do struggle with food freedom because my mind essentially lies to me. It tells me I can have a day as Melissa describes and then wake up the next day without regrets (mind you, she fully shares that she got to that point with years of practice and therapy). I haven't figured out the exact point where my "nothing" day turns into something unhealthy for me mentally, but I think it sets in after about 4-5 hours. Thats when my negative mind chatter comes in low and lethal. I'm not saying I get up and move at that point (I wish I did). Anyway, just saying that I understand. ❤️
I wonder if you found a nutritionist who was a good fit for you if you could explore this deeper. (Spoken as a person who is not in the same boat, but wondering if that might be helpful.). I WILL NOT feel guilty for eating what I want, when I want, and while I am heavier than I’d like to be, I am consistently working with weights to be stronger. Overweight does not necessarily equate unhealthy. I no longer weigh myself as of last year. It just doesn’t do me any good. There are a few people I follow on IG who are HAES fitness and nutrition experts. The woman who runs Eat Free Live Fierce is really wonderful.
Super relatable. My first W30 was in 2013 and I'm still working on the "worth it" part ... I don't think I "eat my feelings" usually but this was still reassuring.
I needed this! I’ve always been an all or nothing type of person. Since my last whole30 in March, I’ve been trying to allow myself these moments when needed without going off the rails, and I honestly feel such guilt. My son graduated from high school yesterday and I enjoyed a delicious piece of cake and sherbet punch and woke up this morning feeling shame for allowing myself to indulge. I’m encouraged that I can break through this cycle and find a healthy balance at some point!
It sounds like you're an Abstainer, not a Moderator. (Same, although I'm much better at moderating now.) I wrote this article about Food Freedom as an Abstainer, and you might find it helpful! People assume that Food Freedom is easier if you're a Moderator, but once you shift your framework, it can be JUST as effective for Abstainers too.
This article totally helps! I know I see situations as black/white but never realized I apply that to eating as well. I’ve never read through the food freedom rules after my W30s but should’ve known better. I will now! Thank you!
WOW Melissa! I’m so glad you wrote this! This is exactly the way I have felt about using food as comfort since I did my Whole30 6 months ago. I lost 20 pounds, sleep soundly almost every night and feel amazing most of the time. I figured out that walking is a Zen place for me and that’s how I de-stress now. But when I need extra comfort and decide to have a food that I wouldn’t normally, (processed or sugary) I DON’T feel bad about it, and I thought I was doing something wrong, because before my Whole
30 beating myself up was part of the process. I thought that maybe I would slip back into my old ways because I wasn’t hating myself. The Whole 30 has been such a huge part of my journey to loving myself. Thank you so much for everything you do and write. It always seems to be exactly what I need to hear/read.
I'm so happy to hear that, Michele. The behavior may look the same to someone from the outside, but if our self-talk and mindset have shifted, it can feel very different to us. XO
This is great! Love the mindset change. I’d be interested in an article on the other tools you have in your stress management toolbox. Sadly I can’t comment on the food combo as not familiar with those brands in the uk 🇬🇧 x
I found this to be a really insightful perspective! I’m definitely still working to find this balance in my life as there are some foods that are 100% off limits due to my autoimmune disorder and background of emotional eating. I find that anytime I eat something that remotely crosses into potentially messing with my gut that my brain launches into all the shame accusations. I am definitely someone who has abused food as my coping mechanism for the majority of my life and it’s only been over the last few years that I’ve been able to shift some of those behaviors to more adaptive ones.
In light of that, would you ever say that food freedom could be harmful for certain individuals if they’ve had a relationship to food similar to alcohol abuse?
I find that I have a Jekyll/Hyde mentality. I have an afternoon/evening where I tell myself in the moment that my food choices are worth it, I just need the break from kids, life and stress. But when it’s all done I feel guilty. I can tell myself it’s fine and worth it but the guilt still comes through. And I know an all or nothing relationship with food won’t work because I’ll feel deprived and go all in. I still have some work to do on the relationship and forgiving myself. Thank you Melissa for continuing to write about your food freedom and whether it’s worth it. It gets me a step closer every time I read something like this.
Okay, I want you to examine those feelings a little more closely. Is it that after the fact, you feel guilty because although the food really DID make you feel better and it really WAS worth it, you feel like you "should" have coped a different way?
OR, are you translating the feeling as "guilt," but it's really disappointment because in retrospect, you thought the food would make you feel better, and it turns out it just didn't, or wasn't really what you needed?
Will do! Thank you!!
Oooh, I love this question set! Thank you.
I’m not sure what I think about this in terms of how it could apply to me... obviously great for you and whomever it helps. I’m overweight (and have been my entire life) and have found I have felt the healthiest (physically and emotionally) when I’m doing some kind of abstaining, and I really struggle with food freedom because I find a lot of things, “worth it,” or at least my bar for what crosses that threshold isn’t low enough on an ongoing basis to develop optimal physical health. But I don’t feel shame or guilt about that any particular food on a given day. But I’m often unhappy with the build up overall. I don’t have a great conclusion here, I guess individually comfort eating is whatever, but the regularity I do it with doesn’t serve me, so in doing it less... how much is too much, when does it cross from serving me in the moment to not serving me in retrospect? I have no idea.
Melanie, I can relate to this so much. I have done W30 several times, and have integrated new behaviors and foods into my life as a result. Yet, I do struggle with food freedom because my mind essentially lies to me. It tells me I can have a day as Melissa describes and then wake up the next day without regrets (mind you, she fully shares that she got to that point with years of practice and therapy). I haven't figured out the exact point where my "nothing" day turns into something unhealthy for me mentally, but I think it sets in after about 4-5 hours. Thats when my negative mind chatter comes in low and lethal. I'm not saying I get up and move at that point (I wish I did). Anyway, just saying that I understand. ❤️
I wonder if you found a nutritionist who was a good fit for you if you could explore this deeper. (Spoken as a person who is not in the same boat, but wondering if that might be helpful.). I WILL NOT feel guilty for eating what I want, when I want, and while I am heavier than I’d like to be, I am consistently working with weights to be stronger. Overweight does not necessarily equate unhealthy. I no longer weigh myself as of last year. It just doesn’t do me any good. There are a few people I follow on IG who are HAES fitness and nutrition experts. The woman who runs Eat Free Live Fierce is really wonderful.
Super relatable. My first W30 was in 2013 and I'm still working on the "worth it" part ... I don't think I "eat my feelings" usually but this was still reassuring.
I'm glad it was reassuring. :)
I needed this! I’ve always been an all or nothing type of person. Since my last whole30 in March, I’ve been trying to allow myself these moments when needed without going off the rails, and I honestly feel such guilt. My son graduated from high school yesterday and I enjoyed a delicious piece of cake and sherbet punch and woke up this morning feeling shame for allowing myself to indulge. I’m encouraged that I can break through this cycle and find a healthy balance at some point!
It sounds like you're an Abstainer, not a Moderator. (Same, although I'm much better at moderating now.) I wrote this article about Food Freedom as an Abstainer, and you might find it helpful! People assume that Food Freedom is easier if you're a Moderator, but once you shift your framework, it can be JUST as effective for Abstainers too.
https://whole30.com/how-to-food-freedom-as-an-abstainer-and-some-tips-for-the-moderators/
This article totally helps! I know I see situations as black/white but never realized I apply that to eating as well. I’ve never read through the food freedom rules after my W30s but should’ve known better. I will now! Thank you!
Thanks! I’ll definitely check it out!
Can you share some of the tools you use on a regular basis to refrain from emotional eating?
I can! I'll turn that into another feature later this week. XO
Awesome! Thank you!
WOW Melissa! I’m so glad you wrote this! This is exactly the way I have felt about using food as comfort since I did my Whole30 6 months ago. I lost 20 pounds, sleep soundly almost every night and feel amazing most of the time. I figured out that walking is a Zen place for me and that’s how I de-stress now. But when I need extra comfort and decide to have a food that I wouldn’t normally, (processed or sugary) I DON’T feel bad about it, and I thought I was doing something wrong, because before my Whole
30 beating myself up was part of the process. I thought that maybe I would slip back into my old ways because I wasn’t hating myself. The Whole 30 has been such a huge part of my journey to loving myself. Thank you so much for everything you do and write. It always seems to be exactly what I need to hear/read.
I'm so happy to hear that, Michele. The behavior may look the same to someone from the outside, but if our self-talk and mindset have shifted, it can feel very different to us. XO
Thanks so much for sharing, Melissa!
I’d love to hear more about your coping mechanisms. I know you’ve shared previously, but it would be great to have more insight in one article.
This is great! Love the mindset change. I’d be interested in an article on the other tools you have in your stress management toolbox. Sadly I can’t comment on the food combo as not familiar with those brands in the uk 🇬🇧 x
I found this to be a really insightful perspective! I’m definitely still working to find this balance in my life as there are some foods that are 100% off limits due to my autoimmune disorder and background of emotional eating. I find that anytime I eat something that remotely crosses into potentially messing with my gut that my brain launches into all the shame accusations. I am definitely someone who has abused food as my coping mechanism for the majority of my life and it’s only been over the last few years that I’ve been able to shift some of those behaviors to more adaptive ones.
In light of that, would you ever say that food freedom could be harmful for certain individuals if they’ve had a relationship to food similar to alcohol abuse?